Posted on by Kristina Knowles

We decided to meet at…

Red Lobster.

Chris would be out of town, I thought this would be a great opportunity to get to know the Birth Mother better. I was so excited to see her again, to make sure she was in good spirits and that she had not changed her mind about the adoption. Our dinner could not have gone better. We both asked each other so many questions. I left happy, relieved and grateful to God for our positive meeting.

Chris and I wanted the Birth Mother to freely receive our love through God. Which means there were no attachments to anything. We didn’t want her to miss our intentions. And I didn’t want God to be disappointed with us. We made it very clear with our first meeting, we want what is best for the baby and the Birth Mother. Chris and I wanted God’s will to be done. Our dinner gave me the opportunity to make sure she understood.

After meeting with the Birth Mother, I quickly realized we could help her with a healthy eating program with meals prepped by me. As a personal Fitness Coach and Chef, we wanted to bring her food that she would enjoy but would also be nutrient dense. The Birth Mother agreed and the weekly meals began. The Birth Mother would send me a text that stopped me in my tracks. She wrote,”Even before the baby is born, they will be fed food from you.” I went down on my knees with love and thanksgiving.

I started a hashtag on my social media; #thebabyisstillalive. The baby remaining alive was a daily celebration for Chris and I. I know that at any moment the Birth Mother could change her mind. I also know that satan loves to place doubt in the minds of the helpless, scared and fearful. We had shared our news of adoption with a select group of Prayer Warriors all over the Country. We were excited for the prayers and they were excited to be a part of the story.

Going through adoption is a valley of emotional highs and lows. Thankful for the Trinity. God is always with us, minute by minute, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. But in times like this we cling even more closely. And we need to realize that without our Lord and Savior we are nothing, we have nothing and the outcome of doing life without God is heartbreakingly lonely.

The days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months. We were getting sonograms, updates and daily/weekly news. And little did we know something else was happening behind the scenes.

Lord, thank you for keeping us alert, eyes wide open and giving us holy discernment. We love you so much, thank you for the days that feel so unimaginable. Please forgive us, always turn our hearts to you and you only. Remove any pride and ego. ~Amen

Part 2, there will be a Part 3.

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

Have you ever had an unexpected…

Best. Day. Ever with your Former spouse. I did, this past summer.

I came home to Maryland to spend time with my son while he was on leave from the military. I was having an amazing lunch with my Spiritual Mentor in Washington, D.C. After lunch, I headed back to my car suddenly I got a call from my son. I was so happy to hear from him, he invited me to meet him in Annapolis to jet ski. I jumped at the opportunity and headed to TJ Maxx to purchase a swimsuit first.

I made it to the pier in Annapolis where we planned to meet. I changed and sat patiently waiting for my son. A few minutes later I got a phone call. Hi, Mom. Hi, Griffin, Mom? Yes, Griffin! Can Dad come jet skiing with us? Of course, Griffin. But Griffin, are you sure he wants to come? Yes, Mom. Ok Griffin, see you both soon. Bye Mom, I love you. I love you too, Griffin. See you soon, click.

Shortly after that phone call, Griffin and his Dad showed up to the pier where we would all go jet skiing. There was a significant wait time for the jet ski’s, so we went to have lunch. And after lunch and jet skiing we all went to Griffin’s Dad’s home near by. We shared a steak, a Ledo’s pizza and amazing conversation. It was a happy, healthy day and all deemed so by God.

Griffin was able to bask in the enjoyment of his Mother and Father spend the day together in right relationship with each other after 12 years of divorce. It was something I had prayed for with my Priest, Father Joe 11 years earlier. I have been on my knees lifting up  prayers to God for a day like this one. In recent years, my relationship with my former spouse was cordial sprinkled with frustration in disagreements at times. Never perfect but we would always show up and be present at Griffin’s sporting events, ceremonies and birthdays the important things.

I share this beautiful story, trust me it was so beautiful, with you because our world continues to break every day. Our children are growing up in broken homes. Angry, ugly, mean, homes were people have lost their common sense. Children are growing up to be fractured adults from the brokenness of these divorces. Families everywhere continue to divorce, the very foundation of the family is cracking right before our eyes. The media, movies, television and reality television have made this nightmare of divorce “normal.” There is nothing “normal” about divorce, God hates divorce. Give in, throw in the towel, it’s all about me, not you, not the children but the “me” mentality. Instead of being about God first.

Lord, Father God, forgive us please!!! We are so sorry Lord, forgive us. Help our hearts to be Christ centered focus and NOT self centered. Stop the madness of the “me” and let us be about YOU Lord. Help us see our family and friends who struggle with their marriage so we can help them Lord. Help us send in reinforcements, Father God. Please rescue our families from the evil one. Let us live in a state of gratitude, mercy and grace. Take what the enemy wants for evil and make it good God. Restore the brokenness, the confusion, the hate, the bitterness. Let us be soldiers for you in love. Give us the discernment to help each other instead of tearing each other down. Thank you Lord, for everything even the hard times. In Jesus’s name we pray…Amen.

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

How do you feel when…

You wake up in the morning, at school or work, throughout the day and right before you go to bed? Have you ever wondered and watched as a child, adults and their behavior? I believe I was blessed. I watched highly active adults play sports my entire childhood. Sweat, blood and tears of winning and losing in the name of sports and being active.

Today I want to highlight the positive benefits of being raised in an active, athletic household. We were encouraged to try something new, and we played outside in the fresh-air most days. Our brains react positively to safe cardio and activity. I believe parts of my Mother’s personality were cultivated by being athletic and active. Sleeping was something we did to recharge, sleeping in was not something our bodies tolerated. And when we woke up, we were happy not negative or groggy.

There was something interesting about my Mother, she was never tired. Well, at least not in front of me. I never saw her do drugs or get drunk, thank you God. I watched how she made real food, with real ingredients. My Mother was on the go and active, she appeared to love life. And laughter and jokes was a source of light in our home. Thankful that I was able to be blessed with those positive traits.

What if we realized that the positive traits of our parents can be utilized to benefit our life, immediately. Even being smart enough to watch the negative attributes and turn them into positives.

God always wants us to be alert, He does! I ask you today to be alert, pay attention, be open. Stop and realize that our biggest obstacles in life might be a generational curse we have not even realized. Joy is possible, happiness is real and love is all about God.

My Mother suffers from anxiety and is somewhat shy in some circumstances. As a little girl, I watched my Mother in many situations struggle with finding her voice . I struggled with trying to understand my Mother’s struggle. It was incredibly hard to watch, so I vowed not to be like my Mother in those circumstances. God gave me the assurance that the enemy wants the worse possible scenario for your life. Unfortunately, the enemy knows our weaknesses and is always willing to remind us.

My prayers for all of you today, Lord let my family, friends and neighbors see and feel your love above all else. May you open their eyes and let them truly see their obstacles, so they can fix them. Let’s be in agreement that no one is perfect but you Jesus, so please rain down your love so we can feel your presence. We are thankful for you Lord, your blessings are amazing. Make us open, make us more alert and help us love you more.

In Jesus’s name we pray, Amen!

 

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

Hurt people Hurt…

You, me, others, him, her, animals and themselves.

If you take note of the people in your life, you might notice the healthy people vs. the unhealthy people. Revenge, hurt and pain will be on the mind of your unhealthy friends and loved ones. Unhealthy people tend to have a constant dialogue of negative speaking, gossiping and inappropriate speech. While healthy people are into problem solving, giving loving advice and care for friends and loved ones. Healthy people tend to be positive, happier and more open to life, help lead others to success and care about other people’s feelings.

You will almost never find a happy, normal healthy person commit a crime, murder, spew deliberate words of condemnation, hate or inflict pain. When you dig deeper in a persons life, life-style and past history you’ll definitely find the root cause of their behavior.

It is extremely important that you learn and teach the difference to yourself, friends and family. Unhealthy living leads to an unhealthy life-style as well. The pain lives on in the inside as well as outside. With the unfortunate verbal abuse and actions of the unhealthy person. Your body suffers from the pain along with the people around you that have to listen to your verbal abuse or witness your terrible actions.

The same is true for healthy people, your body and the people around you benefit from your healthiness. Your body is more at peace and your loving kindness also helps the hearts of others. When you give yourself to others as a positive loving gift you spread love.

God knows exactly what is going on in your life right now and from the beginning. He knows what you have endured, the pain, the abuse, the terrible incidents, all of it. And He has a plan for our lives far bigger and better than our broken past. God still continues to love us more than we could possibly imagine. So please know, make peace with your past. Get off of the UNHEALTHY train going nowhere of your present, don’t let your past define you and look to God today. He loved you enough to open your eyes to see another day.

Peace be with you.

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

A late lunch with…

Complete and total strangers.

My boyfriend and I were sitting in a lobby of a restaurant while waiting for a table. Another couple was waiting as well, I struck up a conversation with them. I felt like we had known them forever. When the hostess called their name, we were disappointed that the conversation had to come to an end.

However, something so special happened. “Carl” came back to us and invited us to sit with him and his wife for lunch. I have lived a long amazing life and yet to have this happen until now. We accepted and our conversation started where we left off in the lobby.

We were laughing with “Carl” and “Betty” and some serious, tearful moments about life. It was so fun to sit down with two total strangers and get along so well with them. It reminded me of Joseph and his brothers. Joseph’s bothers never spoke a kind word to him, hated him so much that they sold him. God had different plans for Joseph, thankfully that not even Joseph’s brothers could change.

I know families that struggle with getting along and loving on each other. The grudges are so strong and powerful that they ignore forgiveness. Evil forces would love nothing more to keep families broken and unhappy. Not God, He is the opposite of everything dark, mean, evil or hate-filled.

Yes, it’s true “Carl” and “Betty” and Chris and I don’t have any history together. No past to worry about, no old hurt feelings and no grudges. We have a clean slate of openness and newness. And that is exactly how God expects us to wake up every day to be towards each other regardless of how long or short we’ve known each other.

Another surprise, “Carl” got up to use the bathroom and paid for the entire meal and tip. We insisted to let us pay but he said it was too late. I am so grateful to God for experiences that make you so thankful. Great food, beautiful time together and amazing company.

Thanks be to God, Kristina!

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

The greatest gift of all…

Is Love.

I love, love. I believe Gods love is the most amazing feeling to experience in this lifetime. And what is even more special is to experience Gods love through another human being.

I moved to Texas with my Son and my dog. I was leaving behind my family and friends. It was an easy decision to move but it was hard leaving everyone behind. My Mother and I have a close relationship. And now not being a short car drive away was going to be even harder.

If anyone knows and hears the desire to have my Mom visit, it’s my boyfriend Chris. I have met so many wonderful people and new friends in Texas. My experience has been nothing but positive. And I wish my Mom could be here to visit to see how amazing Texas is.

Well, well well little did I know that for a month Chris had something really special planned for me for my birthday. I was sitting on a bench with Chris, having the most romantic night. Chris was holding my hand, holding me, we were people watching, the night was beautiful. Then he gets a text from his friend and co-worker Doug. Doug’s wife Amie’s truck broke down while she was on her way to pick up Doug from the airport. “And”…I responded.

We got up from the bench and walked to car to go pick up Doug. I was so mad…inside. See, if you know anything about Chris, he is naturally sweet and kind. I know in my heart that he would do anything for anybody because they called him for help. So even though I was mad, upset and disappointed inside with his choice, I knew he was just helping his friend.

I gave Chris short answers and stayed mostly silent on the drive to the airport. I prayed to God the entire way there hoping God would change my heart and feelings. In some ways, I was being childish and unkind by my heart, my behavior. I even asked him at one point, why couldn’t he get an Uber?

As we pull up and wait for Doug to come out, Chris decides to go inside to get him. So now I am waiting in a car, on my birthday, at an airport by myself. Then Chris finally returns with Doug’s bag. He asked me what I thought about his bag, I responded, “I don’t care.” So then Chris asked me to get out of the car. I am still mad, I start to follow him. And then my blonde, beautiful Mother appears out from behind a column. I started to cry, scream and almost knocked her over.

Chris was kind enough to ask for my forgiveness, can you imagine? Chris is asking for my forgiveness??!!! I am the one that needed to ask him for forgiveness. I was acting like a spoiled child on their birthday. I felt absolute happiness and guilt as the same time.

Chris understood why I was acting the way I was acting but I didn’t. I know I am not perfect, but this is no way to behave period. I am blown away by Chris’ kindness, care and most importantly his action of love for me. Chris gave me the gift of love on my birthday that I will never forget for the rest of my life.  And for that I love Chris him even more.

We can all believe that love is a feeling but it is truly an action. Do you make actions of love or words of love? Words of affirmation are important but love in action is most important. You should know that I felt terrible for being selfish on my birthday towards Chris. I asked God and Chris to forgive me that night. I am a work in progress.

Thanks be to God for forgiveness and Love.

 

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

You and I are not the…

Sum total of all of our bad decisions, unfortunate mistakes or wrong choices.

Satan would love nothing more than for you to believe you are not good enough, you are a bad person, you are awful. Satan produces the type of chaos, insecurities and lies within your life that allows you to keep believing the negative things, instead of believing the good things. And with God everything in YOU is good.

Are you scratching your head asking yourself, how can this be? Are you sure Kristina? Yes, I am so positive. It is because of Jesus, He came and died on the cross for all of us. Our sins have been forgiven, He paid the ultimate price for you and me.

But without faith you may not believe anything I am writing about. Here are some examples of what you might be going through. I am here to help you see the good and bad situations you might be going through with siblings, parents, family and friends.

You might be experiencing the following:

My family and friends keep reminding me of my past failures.

My family and friends make me feel bad about myself.

My family and friends don’t seem to care about me or love me.

My family and friends call me names and make fun of me at my expense.

Instead, you might be yearning to experience the following:

I would like my family and friends to support and uplift me.

I would like my family and friends to talk to me about how I can be better and more successful.

I would like my family and friends to care about me and love me.

I would like my family and friends to speak words of affirmation and goodness into me.

I understand your confusion, it’s hard to fathom on so many levels. Society, family and friends who condemn and convict each other all day, every day. Jesus would never call you names or degrade you, why do you let the people in your life do it? The truth is God is the only Judge and Jury. Will He give us grace, mercy and forgiveness? Absolutely, He let you wake up today and read this.

Now when you find yourself wanting to rip to shreds, a persons negative past, stop. If you see someone else start to rip someone apart for their past bad behaviors, stop them.  Pray for yourself and that person. Please take a good hard look at yourself then ask yourself if you know the definition and spelling of the word: HYPOCRITE!

The sooner we start to heal from our own pain and past, we are able to heal. Don’t ever give permission to others to let them condemn you and all your hard work.

Get involved with God and get better.

 

 

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

Who said you have to…

Be like everyone else?

I think it’s incredibly important to understand, if we are honest with ourselves, that we are followers of the world and not leaders for God. More often it’s easy to be more like everyone else, blend in and not be different. To go against the grain of society, stand for what the bible says and be different, is a much more difficult task.

What does being like everyone else look like? It looks a lot like what is on television, in the media, entertainment, music videos that doesn’t represent God or the bible. It can also look a lot like trying to keep up with everyone around you. You will water down the scripture to make it work for you, instead of telling the truth.

What does it look like when you don’t look like everyone else? You stand up for what is holy, right and just on an hourly basis; daily. You are less about the world and more about everything that has to do with Jesus. You want the absolute best for everyone, including people who have wronged you or someone else. And you are not afraid to speak the truth of the bible to the people you interact with or meet.

I want to live in this world but not be a part of this world. I want to want less and need less so I can give more of me and my time to those who need me. I want to change the world for the better and not the worse. I want to fill my body with good things so I can be productive, happy and joyful. I want to continue to be happy, filled with peace and spread love.

We need more Leaders for God, so we can change the world and make it a better place to live, love and grow. I see a lot of complaining, I see a lot of pain and I see a lot of hurting going on. If you choose to ignore problems and issues within yourself, your family or the block you live on, you are part of an overwhelming problem in our society. It’s the prIde problem, yes the “I” is capitalized for a reason.

I, I , I..I can’t be bothered. I can’t be involved. I can’t help. I, I, I, I only care about me.

May God have mercy on us.

 

Posted on by Kristina Knowles · 2 Comments

Thanks to Ancestry.com…

A family is reunited with their long lost sister that was put up for adoption.

I recently met 3 sisters, 2 of which knew each other their whole life. They were meeting for the first time, I couldn’t of been more excited for them but I had questions. From my understanding the mother and father had 7 children and put this baby girl up for adoption. Can you imagine, why this sister, why this daughter, why, why, why? I wanted more answers but I had to let them spend time with each other.

People always fascinate me with their decisions. What church to go to? What school to go to? Where to work and why? Which person to marry? How many children? Where to live? What to wear? What to eat? Which team to root for? Who to like? Who to love? Who to hate?

I don’t know why these parents decided to put this daughter up for adoption but despite that the siblings found each other because of Ancestry.com. They trusted each other enough to meet somewhere in between to see if this was real. I was very moved by their story. I am positive this is one of thousands of stories being made because of the data being entered by millions of people around the world.

And if you are wondering if they looked alike or had similar habits or hobbies? Yes, yes, yes, even though they didn’t grow up together she favored one sister in facial features big time and favored the other sister in personality and some facial features. Especially when they smiled you could see it and they were smiling a lot.

If I woke up one morning to find out I had a long lost sister, I would be so excited and blessed. Unfortunately my mother has insured me this will not be happening, oh well a girl can pray. However, God is such an amazing God. He let this amazing meeting take place. It was beautiful to watch and experience.

I am so grateful these women shared their story with me, I was blown away with them letting me ask as many questions as I did. We even joked about the flip side of meeting a long lost loved one. Is this a scam, do they want or need money or worse are looking for organs? Truth be told everyone should put the proper precautionary measures in place before embarking on meeting anyone for the first time. I would also pray to God for discernment and guidance.

Thanks be to God

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

Dear Sarah Nicole Henderson…

I wish I could have been there for you, way before you decided to kill your daughters.

When I saw your story come across the news early Friday morning on November 3, 2017 I was in shock. I don’t have a television anymore, by choice, so when I am out and about I see the news. Today I happened to see your news.

When I saw the pictures of your beautiful 2 little girls, Kaylee and Kenlie. I imagined myself at their age, playing with dolls, riding my bike, coloring and roller skating. I even thought about how they might be looking forward to finishing their Halloween candy or getting reading to make a list to Santa for all their wishes for Christmas.

I also would like you to know that I wish you would have asked for help. I know it can be uncomfortable, the unknown is always uncomfortable. But I know there are a lot of great people that you could have trusted.

I listened to your husbands 911 call. I heard his pain, I feel terrible for Jacob. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to see his step-daughter’s bodies lying lifeless in the living room. Sometimes we can’t even begin to realize the pain we inflict on others and the repercussions.

Sarah, I wish we would have known each other. I wish you would have called me to help you. Sarah, I pray for you and your healing. Your story is important because it is a reminder that there are people like you that need help. And it’s okay to need help, it’s important that people actually go through with finding healthy professional therapist and counselors who can lead us in the healing direction.

God is merciful, He alone is the Healer and Redeemer. Sarah, God will help you but only when you let Him. I know things look incredibly daunting right now, rightfully so but I will be praying for you.

Remember to always report unusual behavior of a loved one, family, friend or neighbor. When we can provide the necessary help sooner than later, the healing can and will begin.

God bless.