Posted on by Kristina Knowles

We decided to meet at…

Red Lobster.

Chris would be out of town, I thought this would be a great opportunity to get to know the Birth Mother better. I was so excited to see her again, to make sure she was in good spirits and that she had not changed her mind about the adoption. Our dinner could not have gone better. We both asked each other so many questions. I left happy, relieved and grateful to God for our positive meeting.

Chris and I wanted the Birth Mother to freely receive our love through God. Which means there were no attachments to anything. We didn’t want her to miss our intentions. And I didn’t want God to be disappointed with us. We made it very clear with our first meeting, we want what is best for the baby and the Birth Mother. Chris and I wanted God’s will to be done. Our dinner gave me the opportunity to make sure she understood.

After meeting with the Birth Mother, I quickly realized we could help her with a healthy eating program with meals prepped by me. As a personal Fitness Coach and Chef, we wanted to bring her food that she would enjoy but would also be nutrient dense. The Birth Mother agreed and the weekly meals began. The Birth Mother would send me a text that stopped me in my tracks. She wrote,”Even before the baby is born, they will be fed food from you.” I went down on my knees with love and thanksgiving.

I started a hashtag on my social media; #thebabyisstillalive. The baby remaining alive was a daily celebration for Chris and I. I know that at any moment the Birth Mother could change her mind. I also know that satan loves to place doubt in the minds of the helpless, scared and fearful. We had shared our news of adoption with a select group of Prayer Warriors all over the Country. We were excited for the prayers and they were excited to be a part of the story.

Going through adoption is a valley of emotional highs and lows. Thankful for the Trinity. God is always with us, minute by minute, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. But in times like this we cling even more closely. And we need to realize that without our Lord and Savior we are nothing, we have nothing and the outcome of doing life without God is heartbreakingly lonely.

The days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months. We were getting sonograms, updates and daily/weekly news. And little did we know something else was happening behind the scenes.

Lord, thank you for keeping us alert, eyes wide open and giving us holy discernment. We love you so much, thank you for the days that feel so unimaginable. Please forgive us, always turn our hearts to you and you only. Remove any pride and ego. ~Amen

Part 2, there will be a Part 3.

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

The first 2 classes were…

Completely full and that meant we would need to sign up for the last class of summer. The next set of classes wouldn’t start up again until the fall. I was so excited to finish, I didn’t want to wait any longer.

We were assigned to complete a marriage class in order to complete our Annulment process. What married couple doesn’t want to partner in a relationship class for marriage? Having a divorce behind me, I love enriching myself as much as I can in the Lord teachings.

We showed up ready to learn and participate. I knew a lot of the answers, which felt awesome. Chris also participated, we quickly became friends with our table buddies. Everyone in the class was participating in the Annulment process or getting married. The class went by fast, I couldn’t believe it was ending.

The last night of class was bittersweet. I didn’t want the class to end. As we were listening and learning, I got a craving for dessert. I briefly left the class to grab a slice of cake, provided for us. Little did I know one of the teachers left to take an important call.

The class had ended and we received our Now & Forever marriage class certificate. We made friends and the wealth of knowledge was amazing. We brought our teachers a bouquet and giftcard for their loving honesty and great teaching style. They were blown away with gratitude. We gave long hugs goodbye and blessings to all the couples.

Chris likes to get my door, which is sweet and I love it. Tonight as Chris got my door, he mentioned a prayer request that I had missed while getting cake. Chris said, “There is a local college student who is abortion minded and planning to get an abortion very soon, our teacher asked for the class to pray for her.” My instant response,”What, are you kidding me?” “Chris please go tell the couple we will adopt her baby.” Chris responded,”We will?” “Yes Chris, we will.”

Four days later the birth Mother told our teachers that she wanted to meet us. I was balling on my knees to God, giving Thanksgiving for this meeting. I called Chris at work, then my Mom. It felt like Christmas. Not the Christmas filled with gifts but the birth of Jesus kind of Christmas.

As we drove to her campus to meet her, we prayed. We were excited, open and optimistic. We walked into the Campus Ministry house. Our teacher met us at the door, we started talking and laughing. I didn’t know the birth Mother was in another room listening. If you know me, my laugh is slightly loudish. I then quickly prayed that I didn’t scare her.

As we started to walk towards the birth Mother, I could see her shyness immediately. We hugged each other, she met Chris and we started to talk. We all warmed up and the conversation flowed easily.

The birth Mother was amazed with us. She couldn’t understand how 2 people could love her baby more than she did. The birth Mother was shocked that we didn’t care about what she looked like or the gender of the baby. We told her all of that did not matter. When I looked around I saw smiles and tears. We connected and the birth Mother agreed that we could adopt her baby.

By the time our meeting was over she pushed her hair back around her ear while sitting next to me. And what appeared was a sign for us, a 3 heart earring. I was filled with absolute joy and gratitude. I asked her if I could take a picture of her ear, she said yes.

After we left, we decided to get dinner out. We shared our excitement with our server. The server was excited for us. And I said,”And if we don’t get to adopt the baby, it will be because the Mother will keep her baby.”

God thank you for providing us with the desires and details of our hearts for you. Thank you for allowing us to be connected with you, so we can be disciples. ~Amen

The story is not over. This blog will have a part 2.

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

The 400 lb. woman who I…

met 3 years ago.

“Debbie” is a very thin, frail woman, with thin hair and an unhealthful appearance. I never thought much about how she looked until the day we both carried on a conversation longer than 5-10 minutes.

We started to talk about health and wellness. Debbie was complimenting me on my athletic physique. I responded back with, “how she managed to keep herself so thin?” Debbie responded with a diagnosis of death she (un)fortunately received in her late 40’s. She explained that while working as a nurse for a Doctor, Pharmaceutical Reps. would come in and try to win her with fancy dinners and decadent treats. She quickly began looking forward to these free meals and favors, not truly caring or realizing the negative health affects.

The fascinating part came when she explained how she felt so much pride getting paid to do her job well yet neglected how badly it affected her health and well being. She continued that after being wined and dined by the Reps. she would go back to the Doctor she worked for and encourage him to use their brands of medications. She admitted to researching the medicine, discussing the side affects and cost. These meetings became a personal conquest. The more research she did, the more she could challenge the Reps. knowing full well they would have to try harder to persuade her. Yet as time went on she quickly noticed her weight skyrocketing. My jaw was dropping the entire conversation.

Sadly over the years her weight topped 400 lbs. and nearly brought her to her death bed. I stood there in shock and disbelief. Debbie is now a size 4 and weighs about 100 lb. on a good day. It’s quite unbelievable to see this woman who lost 300 lb. I couldn’t stop telling her how proud I was for her. I was gushing and smiling with such excitement and even gave her a big hug. Then Debbie began to tell me how her personal Doctor told her that, “unless she made the decision to have a very crucial heart surgery, she would likely die”. Debbie then confessed that she literally had nothing to lose. I can either die because I am 400 lbs. or take the risk to save my life. I can determine to lose weight and if the surgery goes well, my life can be saved.

Thank God the operation was a success! Debbie lived 30 years after her life saving operation. She was able to retire, see her children get married and play with grandchildren she thought she would never meet. Sadly, about a month ago Debbie passed away alone in her home. I am so grateful I was her neighbor, a friend and someone who wanted to learn more about her journey.

God, thank you for neighbors and their stories, their testimony and their life. Thank you for forgiving us for being unavailable to your good, holy ways. Lord give us the strength to eat for nourishment and health. Help us focus on our bad unhealthy habits so we can change for the better and not the worse. Thank you for loving us, thank you for life and death. We lift Debbie up to you. Amen

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

The Uber ride I will never…

Forget or stop sharing the story with others.

I agreed to donate my time, husbands money and food to a pregnant student. I enjoy meal prepping so I donated my services to her this week. The food is prepared fresh so I ran out the night before to Walmart. When I got into my car, it wouldn’t start. I then jumped into my husband’s car and set off to buy the groceries.

When I returned home, I used my husband’s car to jump start my car. I needed to be prepared for my delivery the next day. I even drove my car around for 40 minutes after I jump started it-yay! I headed up stairs to make meals then to bed. It always feels like Christmas when you help others. I love this feeling.

Jumped out of bed, packed up all the healthy food and headed downstairs to my car. I got in, the car didn’t start-uggghhhh noooo. I could not believe it, I was literally so prepared . I called my husband immediately, Chris told me to Uber to her and back. Wow, okay if you say so.

The Uber driver was here in 7 minutes flat which would get me there at the exact time the student and I agreed to meet before her classes-thank God. The Uber driver was nice and kind, we instantly started talking. I don’t know exactly how we started talking about Jesus and God but it happened. And it was so fantastic!!

I knew this was God’s plan because the conversation flowed with ease but wasn’t totally sure. We arrived at the location, I dropped off the food and got back into the car. As we headed back to my home the conversation started right back up again. “Lenny” wanted to know how I got my relationship with Jesus. Lenny mentioned I had a joy he could only dream of.

I asked “Lenny”, “if Jesus wanted him to do something out of his comfort zone, would he do it?” “Lenny” replied that while he would not say no, he would not say yes, either. He would instead ask why? I told him the reason he wasn’t feeling the same joy that I do, could be his doubt in God’s leading. I mentioned to him that, “if he wanted God’s best for his life, then he should trust in His promptings”. We should always ask the Holy Spirit to lead and guide us. “Lenny” was confessing a lack of faith that we all struggle with at times. Is it possible we are missing out on many amazing and abundant blessings by not acting on God’s gentle urgings? The next time we hear them, should we question and ask why? Or instead say, “Yes Jesus!”

Our conversation ended with Lenny admitting he was going to accept an invitation by his neighbor to go to church with them. Amen! Lenny needed confirmation and got it from God through our conversation. I left my Uber with a huge smile and a pep in my step.  Then I quickly realized I had a car battery problem to contend with.

I waited until Chris came home to give me a jump start so we could drive to Auto Zone to figure out the issue with my car. And as I am telling Chris about the Uber ride as he gets into my car, the car starts. I cried, like tears pouring out like a faucet. How is this car starting? I tried so many times before calling Chris earlier this morning, this can’t be happening. Then just to make sure, we drove to Auto Zone and had the attendant check it out. “Miss, your car is 98% charged”….what???? Tears, tears and more tears of complete joy and confirmation.

Let God use us, don’t be mad, just be glad in all circumstances.

Father God, thank you for the things we don’t know about. Thank you for using us for you. Thank you for loving us even when we might think you forgot about us like Lenny. We love you so much Lord, please forgive us and our inability to see our issues. Help us see our evil ways and correct them. Help us love you more. Help us read the bible more. You are absolutely amazing and beautiful. In Jesus’s name we pray…Amen!!!!

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

A very unexpected Mother’s Day…

Gift that would make me cry yesterday, not on Mother’s Day itself.

I got married a year ago to an incredibly loving and kind man. Chris also happens to be Godly, which is very meaningful to me. Chris has 4 children from a previous marriage, yes, I know how Godly can he be if he’s been married and divorced. Well, to be totally transparent, he has been married twice before me, I make marriage number three.

I know, I know and I was married once before my marriage to Chris. My former spouse and I had one son, who I absolutely love and adore. Chris and I are positively in love with God but we are blemished, not perfect-sorry. Here is the good news, blemishes clear up and go away. God is a forgiving god, He sent his only begotten Son to provide the payment for our sin, ourselves.

Chris lovingly bought me a gift card from my new stepson’s and a separate gift card from my son on Mother’s Day. I was so excited and grateful, it was to a shoe store. I held onto those gift cards for months, not finding any shoes I needed or wanted. Then while out shopping with my girlfriends, I came across a pair of bedazzled van styled shoes. The sparkle and shine that these shoes illuminated was beautiful and bright. I had to have them immediately. The shoe store didn’t have my size so I would have to wait a few weeks to wear them. Oh the anticipation…

Two weeks later, the bedazzled shoes arrived. When I opened the box, I made a happy screech, put the lid back on and slid them under my bed. What, why on earth would my first instinct be to cover them up and put them away? Why wouldn’t I wear them immediately and strut around? And then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

At that moment I wasn’t ready for all the bedazzleness, the newness, the sparkle. It was overwhelming. And I believe that is how some of us feel about God. We unfortunately have the evil one whispering to us in our ears telling us we don’t deserve goodness, we are not worthy and God doesn’t love us. I am here to tell you, the evil one is dead wrong.

Our God says,”Come to me, I love you, I forgive you, I created you, let me help you, I have a purpose for you, follow me.” And we resist Him, we ignore Him, we believe the lies. And most importantly we feel so unworthy of His promises, His acceptance and His love. Just because we are not perfect, does not mean we are not acceptable. Everyone has sinned, we are fallen human beings. Here is the good news, we have REDEMPTION through Jesus Christ, amen!!!!

I have sinned, I always ask for forgiveness. I love God, He blesses me, there is proof. The shoes I bought using my Mother’s Day gift cards represent two things for me today. When God looks at me, He sees the newness, sparkle and shine, because I am forgiven. And the way I feel when I wear these shoes, I am worthy of God’s love because He is the Author of my newness, sparkle and shine. Even when I am being disciplined by God, I am worthy of Him and His love for me and you.

Father God, you are so Holy. Thank you for giving us the desires of your heart and not ours. We know we need to be still so we can hear you. We need to see you in all things, especially the small things. Lord, please give us a grateful heart, a giving heart that aligns with you, and only you. Thank you God for seeing us shiny and new and not as dirty rags. Please forgive us, please guide and direct our steps to you. In Jesus’s name we pray…Amen!

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

Have you ever had an unexpected…

Best. Day. Ever with your Former spouse. I did, this past summer.

I came home to Maryland to spend time with my son while he was on leave from the military. I was having an amazing lunch with my Spiritual Mentor in Washington, D.C. After lunch, I headed back to my car suddenly I got a call from my son. I was so happy to hear from him, he invited me to meet him in Annapolis to jet ski. I jumped at the opportunity and headed to TJ Maxx to purchase a swimsuit first.

I made it to the pier in Annapolis where we planned to meet. I changed and sat patiently waiting for my son. A few minutes later I got a phone call. Hi, Mom. Hi, Griffin, Mom? Yes, Griffin! Can Dad come jet skiing with us? Of course, Griffin. But Griffin, are you sure he wants to come? Yes, Mom. Ok Griffin, see you both soon. Bye Mom, I love you. I love you too, Griffin. See you soon, click.

Shortly after that phone call, Griffin and his Dad showed up to the pier where we would all go jet skiing. There was a significant wait time for the jet ski’s, so we went to have lunch. And after lunch and jet skiing we all went to Griffin’s Dad’s home near by. We shared a steak, a Ledo’s pizza and amazing conversation. It was a happy, healthy day and all deemed so by God.

Griffin was able to bask in the enjoyment of his Mother and Father spend the day together in right relationship with each other after 12 years of divorce. It was something I had prayed for with my Priest, Father Joe 11 years earlier. I have been on my knees lifting up  prayers to God for a day like this one. In recent years, my relationship with my former spouse was cordial sprinkled with frustration in disagreements at times. Never perfect but we would always show up and be present at Griffin’s sporting events, ceremonies and birthdays the important things.

I share this beautiful story, trust me it was so beautiful, with you because our world continues to break every day. Our children are growing up in broken homes. Angry, ugly, mean, homes were people have lost their common sense. Children are growing up to be fractured adults from the brokenness of these divorces. Families everywhere continue to divorce, the very foundation of the family is cracking right before our eyes. The media, movies, television and reality television have made this nightmare of divorce “normal.” There is nothing “normal” about divorce, God hates divorce. Give in, throw in the towel, it’s all about me, not you, not the children but the “me” mentality. Instead of being about God first.

Lord, Father God, forgive us please!!! We are so sorry Lord, forgive us. Help our hearts to be Christ centered focus and NOT self centered. Stop the madness of the “me” and let us be about YOU Lord. Help us see our family and friends who struggle with their marriage so we can help them Lord. Help us send in reinforcements, Father God. Please rescue our families from the evil one. Let us live in a state of gratitude, mercy and grace. Take what the enemy wants for evil and make it good God. Restore the brokenness, the confusion, the hate, the bitterness. Let us be soldiers for you in love. Give us the discernment to help each other instead of tearing each other down. Thank you Lord, for everything even the hard times. In Jesus’s name we pray…Amen.

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

Do you know the difference…

Between Mentally unhealthy and Emotionally healthy?

I had an awesome conversation with a 20-something year old recently. The light bulbs were going off by the end of our final words together. It all started with a question about a relationship. What does a healthy relationship look like?

Safe people with healthy boundaries is a good start. A safe, healthy person isn’t going to put you into a situation that would harm you physically, mentally, emotionally or morally.

Examples but not absolutes…

The physical harm would come from driving drunk and getting drunk, hitting you, abusing you, doing drugs and driving high. Anything that prevents you from being sober minded is putting yourself and the person you love in harms way.  “Be sober minded.”

The mental harm would come from daily abuse in the form of words, texts, emails or gossip. When a person abuses you verbally is changes who you are. Unfortunately, this is why some people contemplate suicide, who can’t be present in their own life because of depression, angry spirits, high-anxiety and closed minded people who refuse to be open to healthy communication. “Gentle words bring life and health.”

The emotional harm would come from ghosting, lying, manipulating, tricking and emotionally unavailable. When a person is self-centered, conceited or arrogant you’ll instantly notice their ideas and ways of doing things are the “only” way. They typically are not open to healthy advice or suggestions because they are centered focus on themselves. This type of behavior doesn’t allow for healthy growth in the proper direction, like a lastly, loving relationship. “The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.”

The moral harm would lack trust, honesty, respect and purity within the relationship. The world has desensitized us to believe being good is wrong and stupid, maybe even crazy. We watch movies, television shows, play video games that detracts us, encourages us to live ungodly, inappropriate and degrade us. When your significant other tramples on you because your beliefs, it’s a strong sign he or she is NOT the one.

Heed my loving warning to all those in a relationship. Make sure you are a safe, healthy person first before entertaining or attempting a relationship. And when sizing up the person you are most attracted to, ask them the important questions. Being safe and single is far better than in a relationship with a mentally unstable person, I promise.

God loves us so much, He wants His best for your life. Lord, I ask that you bring forth the healthy people that need to matched with other healthy people. I ask that you heal the broken, the unsaved and the hurt, all of them Lord. Open our eyes to you Jesus, so we can see and know who you send instead of how we want. Thank you so much God for everything you continue to do for all of us, we deserve nothing. The blessings are unbelievable. In Jesus’s name we pray…Amen!

 

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

Protect your children from…

your bad mistakes and choices.

I recently came across a situation with a single mother of a 12 year old daughter. The two live together, the father is absent. The mother and her married neighbor decided to have an affair together. The married man moved away with his family to a new home they were saving up for.

For me, the hardest part of this story is that the single mother and the married man continue to meet and see each other in front of her 12 year old daughter. The daughter goes to school with his children, before he moved they would ride the bus together. Can you imagine the hurt, the anger and the betrayal this little 12 year old girl is feeling every day that she wakes up?

I immediately felt the sadness of the 12 year old daughter. I could feel it emanating so strongly from her. When I left her, I literally took some of it with me. It was so heavy, so sad and so unfortunate. How does she manage to get through the day without screaming, HELLLPPPP MEEE?!?!

I pray for this 12 year old girl who will be a woman one day. I can’t just share this story and forget about her. I have to pray for her, her mother and this married man daily, I must. God shows us situations every day that we unfortunately choose to ignore. However, when we make a decision to pray for change in these situations, we agree with God. Acknowledging that we know it’s wrong. God hears us and prayers get answered.

Lord, I am asking that you end this relationship. I ask that every person mentioned today is able to ask you for help and forgiveness. Speak to them Lord, move them and help them see their situation is hurting not only your Kingdom but the hearts within this world as well. May you raise up this child so she can breathe again and be free of the damaging effects of the affair. Remove the lies, the secrets and the unholiness of her current situation. We love you God and we are grateful that you love us. Please forgive us for our transgressions. In Jesus’s name we pray…Amen!

Don’t think for one minute that God wastes time by sharing certain situations with you. It’s because God knows He can count on you to make a difference. No matter how big or small. So the next time you are presented with a situation you feel you can’t do anything about in the physical or natural. Just pray. You can’t even fathom the miracles happening in the Spiritual that may not be seen with earthly eyes.

 

 

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

Protect your children from…

your bad mistakes and choices.

I recently came across a situation with a single mother of a 12 year old daughter. The two live together, the father is absent. The mother and her married neighbor decided to have an affair together. The married man moved away with his family to a new home they were saving up for.

For me, the hardest part of this story is that the single mother and the married man continue to meet and see each other in front of her 12 year old daughter. The daughter goes to school with his children, before he moved they would ride the bus together. Can you imagine the hurt, the anger and the betrayal this little 12 year old girl is feeling every day that she wakes up?

I immediately felt the sadness of the 12 year old daughter. I could feel it emanating so strongly from her. When I left her, I literally took some of it with me. It was so heavy, so sad and so unfortunate. How does she manage to get through the day without screaming, HELLLPPPP MEEE?!?!

I pray for this 12 year old girl who will be a woman one day. I can’t just share this story and forget about her. I have to pray for her, her mother and this married man daily, I must. God shows us situations every day that we unfortunately choose to ignore. However, when we make a decision to pray for change in these situations, we agree with God. Acknowledging that we know it’s wrong. God hears us and prayers get answered.

Lord, I am asking that you end this relationship. I ask that every person mentioned today is able to ask you for help and forgiveness. Speak to them Lord, move them and help them see their situation is hurting not only your Kingdom but the hearts within this world as well. May you raise up this child so she can breathe again and be free of the damaging effects of the affair. Remove the lies, the secrets and the unholiness of her current situation. We love you God and we are grateful that you love us. Please forgive us for our transgressions. In Jesus’s name we pray…Amen!

Don’t think for one minute that God wastes time by sharing certain situations with you. It’s because God knows He can count on you to make a difference. No matter how big or small. So the next time you are presented with a situation you feel you can’t do anything about in the physical or natural. Just pray. You can’t even fathom the miracles happening in the Spiritual that may not be seen with earthly eyes.

 

 

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

How do you feel when…

You wake up in the morning, at school or work, throughout the day and right before you go to bed? Have you ever wondered and watched as a child, adults and their behavior? I believe I was blessed. I watched highly active adults play sports my entire childhood. Sweat, blood and tears of winning and losing in the name of sports and being active.

Today I want to highlight the positive benefits of being raised in an active, athletic household. We were encouraged to try something new, and we played outside in the fresh-air most days. Our brains react positively to safe cardio and activity. I believe parts of my Mother’s personality were cultivated by being athletic and active. Sleeping was something we did to recharge, sleeping in was not something our bodies tolerated. And when we woke up, we were happy not negative or groggy.

There was something interesting about my Mother, she was never tired. Well, at least not in front of me. I never saw her do drugs or get drunk, thank you God. I watched how she made real food, with real ingredients. My Mother was on the go and active, she appeared to love life. And laughter and jokes was a source of light in our home. Thankful that I was able to be blessed with those positive traits.

What if we realized that the positive traits of our parents can be utilized to benefit our life, immediately. Even being smart enough to watch the negative attributes and turn them into positives.

God always wants us to be alert, He does! I ask you today to be alert, pay attention, be open. Stop and realize that our biggest obstacles in life might be a generational curse we have not even realized. Joy is possible, happiness is real and love is all about God.

My Mother suffers from anxiety and is somewhat shy in some circumstances. As a little girl, I watched my Mother in many situations struggle with finding her voice . I struggled with trying to understand my Mother’s struggle. It was incredibly hard to watch, so I vowed not to be like my Mother in those circumstances. God gave me the assurance that the enemy wants the worse possible scenario for your life. Unfortunately, the enemy knows our weaknesses and is always willing to remind us.

My prayers for all of you today, Lord let my family, friends and neighbors see and feel your love above all else. May you open their eyes and let them truly see their obstacles, so they can fix them. Let’s be in agreement that no one is perfect but you Jesus, so please rain down your love so we can feel your presence. We are thankful for you Lord, your blessings are amazing. Make us open, make us more alert and help us love you more.

In Jesus’s name we pray, Amen!