Posted on by Kristina Knowles

We decided to meet at…

Red Lobster.

Chris would be out of town, I thought this would be a great opportunity to get to know the Birth Mother better. I was so excited to see her again, to make sure she was in good spirits and that she had not changed her mind about the adoption. Our dinner could not have gone better. We both asked each other so many questions. I left happy, relieved and grateful to God for our positive meeting.

Chris and I wanted the Birth Mother to freely receive our love through God. Which means there were no attachments to anything. We didn’t want her to miss our intentions. And I didn’t want God to be disappointed with us. We made it very clear with our first meeting, we want what is best for the baby and the Birth Mother. Chris and I wanted God’s will to be done. Our dinner gave me the opportunity to make sure she understood.

After meeting with the Birth Mother, I quickly realized we could help her with a healthy eating program with meals prepped by me. As a personal Fitness Coach and Chef, we wanted to bring her food that she would enjoy but would also be nutrient dense. The Birth Mother agreed and the weekly meals began. The Birth Mother would send me a text that stopped me in my tracks. She wrote,”Even before the baby is born, they will be fed food from you.” I went down on my knees with love and thanksgiving.

I started a hashtag on my social media; #thebabyisstillalive. The baby remaining alive was a daily celebration for Chris and I. I know that at any moment the Birth Mother could change her mind. I also know that satan loves to place doubt in the minds of the helpless, scared and fearful. We had shared our news of adoption with a select group of Prayer Warriors all over the Country. We were excited for the prayers and they were excited to be a part of the story.

Going through adoption is a valley of emotional highs and lows. Thankful for the Trinity. God is always with us, minute by minute, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. But in times like this we cling even more closely. And we need to realize that without our Lord and Savior we are nothing, we have nothing and the outcome of doing life without God is heartbreakingly lonely.

The days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months. We were getting sonograms, updates and daily/weekly news. And little did we know something else was happening behind the scenes.

Lord, thank you for keeping us alert, eyes wide open and giving us holy discernment. We love you so much, thank you for the days that feel so unimaginable. Please forgive us, always turn our hearts to you and you only. Remove any pride and ego. ~Amen

Part 2, there will be a Part 3.

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

The 400 lb. woman who I…

met 3 years ago.

“Debbie” is a very thin, frail woman, with thin hair and an unhealthful appearance. I never thought much about how she looked until the day we both carried on a conversation longer than 5-10 minutes.

We started to talk about health and wellness. Debbie was complimenting me on my athletic physique. I responded back with, “how she managed to keep herself so thin?” Debbie responded with a diagnosis of death she (un)fortunately received in her late 40’s. She explained that while working as a nurse for a Doctor, Pharmaceutical Reps. would come in and try to win her with fancy dinners and decadent treats. She quickly began looking forward to these free meals and favors, not truly caring or realizing the negative health affects.

The fascinating part came when she explained how she felt so much pride getting paid to do her job well yet neglected how badly it affected her health and well being. She continued that after being wined and dined by the Reps. she would go back to the Doctor she worked for and encourage him to use their brands of medications. She admitted to researching the medicine, discussing the side affects and cost. These meetings became a personal conquest. The more research she did, the more she could challenge the Reps. knowing full well they would have to try harder to persuade her. Yet as time went on she quickly noticed her weight skyrocketing. My jaw was dropping the entire conversation.

Sadly over the years her weight topped 400 lbs. and nearly brought her to her death bed. I stood there in shock and disbelief. Debbie is now a size 4 and weighs about 100 lb. on a good day. It’s quite unbelievable to see this woman who lost 300 lb. I couldn’t stop telling her how proud I was for her. I was gushing and smiling with such excitement and even gave her a big hug. Then Debbie began to tell me how her personal Doctor told her that, “unless she made the decision to have a very crucial heart surgery, she would likely die”. Debbie then confessed that she literally had nothing to lose. I can either die because I am 400 lbs. or take the risk to save my life. I can determine to lose weight and if the surgery goes well, my life can be saved.

Thank God the operation was a success! Debbie lived 30 years after her life saving operation. She was able to retire, see her children get married and play with grandchildren she thought she would never meet. Sadly, about a month ago Debbie passed away alone in her home. I am so grateful I was her neighbor, a friend and someone who wanted to learn more about her journey.

God, thank you for neighbors and their stories, their testimony and their life. Thank you for forgiving us for being unavailable to your good, holy ways. Lord give us the strength to eat for nourishment and health. Help us focus on our bad unhealthy habits so we can change for the better and not the worse. Thank you for loving us, thank you for life and death. We lift Debbie up to you. Amen

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

The Uber ride I will never…

Forget or stop sharing the story with others.

I agreed to donate my time, husbands money and food to a pregnant student. I enjoy meal prepping so I donated my services to her this week. The food is prepared fresh so I ran out the night before to Walmart. When I got into my car, it wouldn’t start. I then jumped into my husband’s car and set off to buy the groceries.

When I returned home, I used my husband’s car to jump start my car. I needed to be prepared for my delivery the next day. I even drove my car around for 40 minutes after I jump started it-yay! I headed up stairs to make meals then to bed. It always feels like Christmas when you help others. I love this feeling.

Jumped out of bed, packed up all the healthy food and headed downstairs to my car. I got in, the car didn’t start-uggghhhh noooo. I could not believe it, I was literally so prepared . I called my husband immediately, Chris told me to Uber to her and back. Wow, okay if you say so.

The Uber driver was here in 7 minutes flat which would get me there at the exact time the student and I agreed to meet before her classes-thank God. The Uber driver was nice and kind, we instantly started talking. I don’t know exactly how we started talking about Jesus and God but it happened. And it was so fantastic!!

I knew this was God’s plan because the conversation flowed with ease but wasn’t totally sure. We arrived at the location, I dropped off the food and got back into the car. As we headed back to my home the conversation started right back up again. “Lenny” wanted to know how I got my relationship with Jesus. Lenny mentioned I had a joy he could only dream of.

I asked “Lenny”, “if Jesus wanted him to do something out of his comfort zone, would he do it?” “Lenny” replied that while he would not say no, he would not say yes, either. He would instead ask why? I told him the reason he wasn’t feeling the same joy that I do, could be his doubt in God’s leading. I mentioned to him that, “if he wanted God’s best for his life, then he should trust in His promptings”. We should always ask the Holy Spirit to lead and guide us. “Lenny” was confessing a lack of faith that we all struggle with at times. Is it possible we are missing out on many amazing and abundant blessings by not acting on God’s gentle urgings? The next time we hear them, should we question and ask why? Or instead say, “Yes Jesus!”

Our conversation ended with Lenny admitting he was going to accept an invitation by his neighbor to go to church with them. Amen! Lenny needed confirmation and got it from God through our conversation. I left my Uber with a huge smile and a pep in my step.  Then I quickly realized I had a car battery problem to contend with.

I waited until Chris came home to give me a jump start so we could drive to Auto Zone to figure out the issue with my car. And as I am telling Chris about the Uber ride as he gets into my car, the car starts. I cried, like tears pouring out like a faucet. How is this car starting? I tried so many times before calling Chris earlier this morning, this can’t be happening. Then just to make sure, we drove to Auto Zone and had the attendant check it out. “Miss, your car is 98% charged”….what???? Tears, tears and more tears of complete joy and confirmation.

Let God use us, don’t be mad, just be glad in all circumstances.

Father God, thank you for the things we don’t know about. Thank you for using us for you. Thank you for loving us even when we might think you forgot about us like Lenny. We love you so much Lord, please forgive us and our inability to see our issues. Help us see our evil ways and correct them. Help us love you more. Help us read the bible more. You are absolutely amazing and beautiful. In Jesus’s name we pray…Amen!!!!

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

A very unexpected Mother’s Day…

Gift that would make me cry yesterday, not on Mother’s Day itself.

I got married a year ago to an incredibly loving and kind man. Chris also happens to be Godly, which is very meaningful to me. Chris has 4 children from a previous marriage, yes, I know how Godly can he be if he’s been married and divorced. Well, to be totally transparent, he has been married twice before me, I make marriage number three.

I know, I know and I was married once before my marriage to Chris. My former spouse and I had one son, who I absolutely love and adore. Chris and I are positively in love with God but we are blemished, not perfect-sorry. Here is the good news, blemishes clear up and go away. God is a forgiving god, He sent his only begotten Son to provide the payment for our sin, ourselves.

Chris lovingly bought me a gift card from my new stepson’s and a separate gift card from my son on Mother’s Day. I was so excited and grateful, it was to a shoe store. I held onto those gift cards for months, not finding any shoes I needed or wanted. Then while out shopping with my girlfriends, I came across a pair of bedazzled van styled shoes. The sparkle and shine that these shoes illuminated was beautiful and bright. I had to have them immediately. The shoe store didn’t have my size so I would have to wait a few weeks to wear them. Oh the anticipation…

Two weeks later, the bedazzled shoes arrived. When I opened the box, I made a happy screech, put the lid back on and slid them under my bed. What, why on earth would my first instinct be to cover them up and put them away? Why wouldn’t I wear them immediately and strut around? And then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

At that moment I wasn’t ready for all the bedazzleness, the newness, the sparkle. It was overwhelming. And I believe that is how some of us feel about God. We unfortunately have the evil one whispering to us in our ears telling us we don’t deserve goodness, we are not worthy and God doesn’t love us. I am here to tell you, the evil one is dead wrong.

Our God says,”Come to me, I love you, I forgive you, I created you, let me help you, I have a purpose for you, follow me.” And we resist Him, we ignore Him, we believe the lies. And most importantly we feel so unworthy of His promises, His acceptance and His love. Just because we are not perfect, does not mean we are not acceptable. Everyone has sinned, we are fallen human beings. Here is the good news, we have REDEMPTION through Jesus Christ, amen!!!!

I have sinned, I always ask for forgiveness. I love God, He blesses me, there is proof. The shoes I bought using my Mother’s Day gift cards represent two things for me today. When God looks at me, He sees the newness, sparkle and shine, because I am forgiven. And the way I feel when I wear these shoes, I am worthy of God’s love because He is the Author of my newness, sparkle and shine. Even when I am being disciplined by God, I am worthy of Him and His love for me and you.

Father God, you are so Holy. Thank you for giving us the desires of your heart and not ours. We know we need to be still so we can hear you. We need to see you in all things, especially the small things. Lord, please give us a grateful heart, a giving heart that aligns with you, and only you. Thank you God for seeing us shiny and new and not as dirty rags. Please forgive us, please guide and direct our steps to you. In Jesus’s name we pray…Amen!

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

Happy New…

Fitness and nutrition routine for you!

Fitness and nutrition has been a daily occurrence for me. I make several decisions a day that keep me focused to staying healthy and fit. I want that for you, your family and friends.

I know now, more than ever before, I have complete and total faith in God. God keeps me focused on the right things I choose to do with my body. How is this possible, you ask? God created me, head to toe. I now know the aches and pains are a direct result of how I treat my body. I also know that when I have positive results from my Doctor visits, my sleep schedule and my food and fitness choices, God is blessing me. I know because I feel amazing.

I love my birthdays and getting older. However, in this society getting older is a curse for many. I am here to tell you that being negative about getting older, only makes you look and feel older. Change your bad/negative attitude and perspective on life in general. You will enjoy and reap the benefits of a positive outlook. Healthy mental health keeps you at peace. Raise your hand if you want peace or more peace in your life?

Food is 80% of what you feel, how you look and how much energy you have. I am here to help you change all of that for the better. Some of you are shaking your head, trust me, it’s not too late. I will blog each week about awesome fitness and nutrition examples for you to try at home. If I can do it, so can you.

And never hesitate to contact me, I am here to help you. God has the ability to bless your life far beyond and better than the dreams you have for yourself. Be open to receiving His love and guidance every day.

New YEAR, even better new YOU!!!

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

A late lunch with…

Complete and total strangers.

My boyfriend and I were sitting in a lobby of a restaurant while waiting for a table. Another couple was waiting as well, I struck up a conversation with them. I felt like we had known them forever. When the hostess called their name, we were disappointed that the conversation had to come to an end.

However, something so special happened. “Carl” came back to us and invited us to sit with him and his wife for lunch. I have lived a long amazing life and yet to have this happen until now. We accepted and our conversation started where we left off in the lobby.

We were laughing with “Carl” and “Betty” and some serious, tearful moments about life. It was so fun to sit down with two total strangers and get along so well with them. It reminded me of Joseph and his brothers. Joseph’s bothers never spoke a kind word to him, hated him so much that they sold him. God had different plans for Joseph, thankfully that not even Joseph’s brothers could change.

I know families that struggle with getting along and loving on each other. The grudges are so strong and powerful that they ignore forgiveness. Evil forces would love nothing more to keep families broken and unhappy. Not God, He is the opposite of everything dark, mean, evil or hate-filled.

Yes, it’s true “Carl” and “Betty” and Chris and I don’t have any history together. No past to worry about, no old hurt feelings and no grudges. We have a clean slate of openness and newness. And that is exactly how God expects us to wake up every day to be towards each other regardless of how long or short we’ve known each other.

Another surprise, “Carl” got up to use the bathroom and paid for the entire meal and tip. We insisted to let us pay but he said it was too late. I am so grateful to God for experiences that make you so thankful. Great food, beautiful time together and amazing company.

Thanks be to God, Kristina!

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

The greatest gift of all…

Is Love.

I love, love. I believe Gods love is the most amazing feeling to experience in this lifetime. And what is even more special is to experience Gods love through another human being.

I moved to Texas with my Son and my dog. I was leaving behind my family and friends. It was an easy decision to move but it was hard leaving everyone behind. My Mother and I have a close relationship. And now not being a short car drive away was going to be even harder.

If anyone knows and hears the desire to have my Mom visit, it’s my boyfriend Chris. I have met so many wonderful people and new friends in Texas. My experience has been nothing but positive. And I wish my Mom could be here to visit to see how amazing Texas is.

Well, well well little did I know that for a month Chris had something really special planned for me for my birthday. I was sitting on a bench with Chris, having the most romantic night. Chris was holding my hand, holding me, we were people watching, the night was beautiful. Then he gets a text from his friend and co-worker Doug. Doug’s wife Amie’s truck broke down while she was on her way to pick up Doug from the airport. “And”…I responded.

We got up from the bench and walked to car to go pick up Doug. I was so mad…inside. See, if you know anything about Chris, he is naturally sweet and kind. I know in my heart that he would do anything for anybody because they called him for help. So even though I was mad, upset and disappointed inside with his choice, I knew he was just helping his friend.

I gave Chris short answers and stayed mostly silent on the drive to the airport. I prayed to God the entire way there hoping God would change my heart and feelings. In some ways, I was being childish and unkind by my heart, my behavior. I even asked him at one point, why couldn’t he get an Uber?

As we pull up and wait for Doug to come out, Chris decides to go inside to get him. So now I am waiting in a car, on my birthday, at an airport by myself. Then Chris finally returns with Doug’s bag. He asked me what I thought about his bag, I responded, “I don’t care.” So then Chris asked me to get out of the car. I am still mad, I start to follow him. And then my blonde, beautiful Mother appears out from behind a column. I started to cry, scream and almost knocked her over.

Chris was kind enough to ask for my forgiveness, can you imagine? Chris is asking for my forgiveness??!!! I am the one that needed to ask him for forgiveness. I was acting like a spoiled child on their birthday. I felt absolute happiness and guilt as the same time.

Chris understood why I was acting the way I was acting but I didn’t. I know I am not perfect, but this is no way to behave period. I am blown away by Chris’ kindness, care and most importantly his action of love for me. Chris gave me the gift of love on my birthday that I will never forget for the rest of my life.  And for that I love Chris him even more.

We can all believe that love is a feeling but it is truly an action. Do you make actions of love or words of love? Words of affirmation are important but love in action is most important. You should know that I felt terrible for being selfish on my birthday towards Chris. I asked God and Chris to forgive me that night. I am a work in progress.

Thanks be to God for forgiveness and Love.

 

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

Merry Materialism and…

Happy New Debt!

I have one child who was spoiled because he was the 1st grandchild for awhile. If I could go back and change anything, I would never spoil a child or another human being with too many things. Things can be nice, amazing, fun, pretty and mind blowing.

Unfortunately, things ultimately end up being just things. Things become boring, collect dust, break and become old or outdated. We have been silently seduced to believe the more things the better, the one with the most things wins and the “you only live once” consumption mentality.

As the holidays are fast approaching, please remember the true meaning of Christmas and what it represents. When Advent begins it takes my breath away to light each candle, each night. It is a pleasant and powerful reminder of the birth of Jesus Christ.

I believe our best is given when we can share a testimony to each other to make their lives better. I over compensated with gifts and presents to make my Sons life good, happy and perfect. I was so wrong and I will never do it again.

In order to make my mistake known and praying Griffin won’t make the same mistakes. I recently called him to apologize for all my past mistakes but especially for the time we spent focused on the wrong things about life. Please don’t misunderstand me, we spent good quality time together and still have a wonderful relationship.

However, I would love nothing more than for anyone who reads this to understand that spoiling people only guarantees one thing, you will spoil the true meaning of Christmas and ultimately life. Living within your means, not overspending, avoiding debt and being more concerned with quality of life and not quantity should be the ultimate goal.

The plan was Jesus. The time was Christmas. The reason was His love.

God bless you and yours, Kristina!

 

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

We must look out…

For others every day.

On my birthday, November 24th, my wonderful thoughtful boyfriend took me to Enchanted. It is a beautiful and magical display of lights in Arlington, Texas. When you drive up, you instantly get excited. I couldn’t wait to park and run up to the entrance. I was so surprised, grateful and excited.

Something happened as we were pulling into the parking space we were waiting for. Another car pulled into it while we were backing in. I couldn’t believe it, I had to pick my jaw off the floor of the car. Chris is so easy going but even he was shocked. Now kids, don’t do this at home, I got out of the car and approached the driver.

I did NOT yell, scream, cuss or fight with the driver and his passengers. Instead, I asked them why did they pull into a space that we were clearly backing into? The driver confessed he didn’t see us and that he thought we were waiting for another spot. Ok, I wished them a Merry Christmas and walked across the street to the special surprise birthday date night.

I had to shake off the discomfort of the lack of care or concern from that experience in the parking lot. I had to move on, so I did. I instantly started to feel the excitement and joy I had originally felt when we started to pull up. It was a winter wonderland, so precious and beautiful at the same time. So many couples, families and children. It was like a scene out of a Norman Rockwell drawing.

Lights, snow, music, ice skating, shopping, food and lots of smiling faces. Then as I watched the crowd I noticed a lot of families not able to get group shots together. So I stepped in and asked if I could help take pictures for them, it was awesome.

Then I noticed something else, an older woman walking down the steps using the hand rail. A group of people had not noticed her and didn’t get out of her way. I walked back to her, took her outside arm to help her down the steps. I wondered how she might have felt having this strange woman take her arm and help her down the steps. I didn’t think about it because I didn’t want her to fall and hurt herself. She was grateful, asked me my name and where was I from…Kristina with a K from Maryland. We both laughed.

We must look out for each other, every day. I could have let the parking lot experience ruin my birthday surprise or wanting to help anyone that night. I could have been a jerk and held a dumb grudge but that is not who God created me or any of us to be. God created us out of LOVE and not evil. Give power to the peace, joy and love that lives inside you.

My works is not my salvation, it’s my faith in Jesus Christ who died on the cross for all of us. However, my faith enables me to enjoy and find total delight in my works to help others naturally.

God bless you.

 

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

You and I are not the…

Sum total of all of our bad decisions, unfortunate mistakes or wrong choices.

Satan would love nothing more than for you to believe you are not good enough, you are a bad person, you are awful. Satan produces the type of chaos, insecurities and lies within your life that allows you to keep believing the negative things, instead of believing the good things. And with God everything in YOU is good.

Are you scratching your head asking yourself, how can this be? Are you sure Kristina? Yes, I am so positive. It is because of Jesus, He came and died on the cross for all of us. Our sins have been forgiven, He paid the ultimate price for you and me.

But without faith you may not believe anything I am writing about. Here are some examples of what you might be going through. I am here to help you see the good and bad situations you might be going through with siblings, parents, family and friends.

You might be experiencing the following:

My family and friends keep reminding me of my past failures.

My family and friends make me feel bad about myself.

My family and friends don’t seem to care about me or love me.

My family and friends call me names and make fun of me at my expense.

Instead, you might be yearning to experience the following:

I would like my family and friends to support and uplift me.

I would like my family and friends to talk to me about how I can be better and more successful.

I would like my family and friends to care about me and love me.

I would like my family and friends to speak words of affirmation and goodness into me.

I understand your confusion, it’s hard to fathom on so many levels. Society, family and friends who condemn and convict each other all day, every day. Jesus would never call you names or degrade you, why do you let the people in your life do it? The truth is God is the only Judge and Jury. Will He give us grace, mercy and forgiveness? Absolutely, He let you wake up today and read this.

Now when you find yourself wanting to rip to shreds, a persons negative past, stop. If you see someone else start to rip someone apart for their past bad behaviors, stop them.  Pray for yourself and that person. Please take a good hard look at yourself then ask yourself if you know the definition and spelling of the word: HYPOCRITE!

The sooner we start to heal from our own pain and past, we are able to heal. Don’t ever give permission to others to let them condemn you and all your hard work.

Get involved with God and get better.