Posted on by Kristina Knowles

The greatest gift of all…

Is Love.

I love, love. I believe Gods love is the most amazing feeling to experience in this lifetime. And what is even more special is to experience Gods love through another human being.

I moved to Texas with my Son and my dog. I was leaving behind my family and friends. It was an easy decision to move but it was hard leaving everyone behind. My Mother and I have a close relationship. And now not being a short car drive away was going to be even harder.

If anyone knows and hears the desire to have my Mom visit, it’s my boyfriend Chris. I have met so many wonderful people and new friends in Texas. My experience has been nothing but positive. And I wish my Mom could be here to visit to see how amazing Texas is.

Well, well well little did I know that for a month Chris had something really special planned for me for my birthday. I was sitting on a bench with Chris, having the most romantic night. Chris was holding my hand, holding me, we were people watching, the night was beautiful. Then he gets a text from his friend and co-worker Doug. Doug’s wife Amie’s truck broke down while she was on her way to pick up Doug from the airport. “And”…I responded.

We got up from the bench and walked to car to go pick up Doug. I was so mad…inside. See, if you know anything about Chris, he is naturally sweet and kind. I know in my heart that he would do anything for anybody because they called him for help. So even though I was mad, upset and disappointed inside with his choice, I knew he was just helping his friend.

I gave Chris short answers and stayed mostly silent on the drive to the airport. I prayed to God the entire way there hoping God would change my heart and feelings. In some ways, I was being childish and unkind by my heart, my behavior. I even asked him at one point, why couldn’t he get an Uber?

As we pull up and wait for Doug to come out, Chris decides to go inside to get him. So now I am waiting in a car, on my birthday, at an airport by myself. Then Chris finally returns with Doug’s bag. He asked me what I thought about his bag, I responded, “I don’t care.” So then Chris asked me to get out of the car. I am still mad, I start to follow him. And then my blonde, beautiful Mother appears out from behind a column. I started to cry, scream and almost knocked her over.

Chris was kind enough to ask for my forgiveness, can you imagine? Chris is asking for my forgiveness??!!! I am the one that needed to ask him for forgiveness. I was acting like a spoiled child on their birthday. I felt absolute happiness and guilt as the same time.

Chris understood why I was acting the way I was acting but I didn’t. I know I am not perfect, but this is no way to behave period. I am blown away by Chris’ kindness, care and most importantly his action of love for me. Chris gave me the gift of love on my birthday that I will never forget for the rest of my life.  And for that I love Chris him even more.

We can all believe that love is a feeling but it is truly an action. Do you make actions of love or words of love? Words of affirmation are important but love in action is most important. You should know that I felt terrible for being selfish on my birthday towards Chris. I asked God and Chris to forgive me that night. I am a work in progress.

Thanks be to God for forgiveness and Love.

 

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

She is totally and completely…

Loved by God!

November 1st is All Saints day, a Holy day of obligation at my church. All Saints‘ Day, also called All Hallows’ Day, Hallowmas, or Feast of All Saints, in the Christian church, a day commemorating all the saints of the church, both known and unknown, celebrated on November 1 in the Western churches and on the first Sunday after Pentecost in the Eastern churches.

I am always grateful to be able to attend Mass and Holy days of obligation alike. As I walked in for All Saints day, I genuflected and sat down. Not paying much attention to anyone sitting around me because Mass was starting, I wanted to be concentrating and focused on the word.

Out of the blue, I heard this sweet little laugh a pew away. I looked into the direction and saw this beautiful black baby girl. I would guess she was 5 months old, cute little Afro with a bright red headband with a bow, a chambray ruffled shirt and grey leggings. Omygosh, she is glowing, she is adorable and she is loved.

I started to then focus and see her parents and 3 siblings all vying to hold her, even I wanted to hold her. It was clearly her sisters turn to hold her, she started to feed her with a bottle. And her older brother was keeping close watch over the feeding and a younger brother watching as well. All the while Mom and Dad lovingly looked at each other.

This beautiful black baby girl was clearly adopted by this family. And clearly God was all over this, it was beautiful to watch and experience. I started to cry with tears of joy to watch the abundance of Gods love right here in front of me at church. I wish I could have talked to them to let them know how wonderful it is to watch Gods love in action.

It hurts me when people claim they shouldn’t go to church or they don’t want to go to church. God wants us to go to church for this very reason, so we can see or feel something we didn’t expect to experience. I am open to God, I want what he wants for me every day.

As Mass came to a close, the little baby looked at me and we started to play peek-a-boo, she waved to me and she said, “Hi!” I was beaming for that little baby because you could see God, feel the Holy Spirit and experience Jesus all at once.

Please reconsider finding a church based on the teachings of the bible. We are all broken people trying to make sense of this broken world. However, with God we are saved and we can expect the promises He has made in the bible. I have experienced them, I know you will too.

Peace be with you.

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

Wow, she said I reminded her…

Of the new Wonder Woman.

A friend recently saw the movie Wonder Woman and remarked that I remind her of the character. I had not seen the movie, but I was flattered. I mean, as a little girl I watched Wonder Woman before or after my brother watched The Bionic Man. I adored Wonder Woman, she was so AMAZING!

After I came down from floating off of the very kind compliment, I asked “Renee”, “What about the movie made you think of me?” Renee instantly responded that after the movie begun the story line of Wonder Woman became very obvious. “Wonder Woman has values that she lives by and believes in,” “Renee” explained, just like you.” “Kristina ever since I met you you want to help as many people as you can.” If and when you see the movie, you will see that Wonder Woman wants to help people, just like you.” “She also is tall, brunette and likes to work out and eat healthy, just like you.” “Renee” and I both laughed and I thanked her for the compliment.

The next weekend I went to see the movie, it was great. I enjoyed the story line, “Renee” was correct, Wonder Woman does want to help everyone. And I pray that everyone took that away from the movie as well. Wonder Woman didn’t give in or give up, she persevered. God calls us to help the least of these as much as we can. It’s why we all should wake up in the morning. It should be our driving force to make this world today, a better place.

Our influence on the people who we directly affect every day is important. We create a ripple effect on the way we raise our children, the way they go out into the world to do good or bad, help or hurt and/or build or condemn. The good news is, it’s never too late to change their world for the better. Make Godly goals with your family, friends and neighbors, and watch all the positive things unfold.

Peace be with you!

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

Suicide is an expression of…

Self hatred.

Wow, what a horrible thought to think that people who want to take their life on some level hate themselves. And it’s probably safe to say, they hate their lives as well. Have you thought about how it might feel to hate yourself?

Do you know where self hatred comes from? I will share with you a few prevalent places. Home, the very place that is “suppose” to be safe, encouraging and happy. A Father, Mother, sibling or any other family member can attack another family member at any given moment. We should lift up each other, we should speak words of encouragement into each other and love each other with all we have to give.

Outside the home, children, friends, neighbors have an even greater influence on our life. You will either surround yourself with people who uplift  you, love you and encourage you. Or you will surround yourself with people who want the absolute worst for you, will encourage you to sin against God, discourage you and degrade you with mean words about your features, body image and your thoughts/ideas.

I am constantly thinking about other people, places and things. It’s just been my personality, very instinctual. I have come across a lot of people who have low self esteem but project outwardly a high sense of regard for themselves. It’s fascinating for me to watch, but it breaks my heart. However, it doesn’t serve anyone to pretend to be happy if you are really not happy or to suffer alone in silence.

I believe we must check in with our friends and family more often. We need to let them know we have good boundaries in place for good things to happen. It’s good to be a strong and supportive sounding board but don’t be a sponge. And always recommend good Christian therapy or counseling to those in your life who might be suffering alone.

 

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

Generational curses…

Don’t pass them on.

I have heard many stories, I have had many talks and lots of conversations about families. I am a Christian who believes in the generational curse. There has been many debates about it, I just have seen too many cases to prove otherwise.

I want to start off with the good news, you have the fortitude to stop it today. And then you get to stop some more of it tomorrow and so on and so on and so on. See, I believe we can see the curse if we just pay close attention. Most people think it’s normal if their parent is a drug addict or alcoholic that they will most likely become the same. Then you have the person who fights tooth and nail to be nothing like their parents and end up being like them anyway. Sound or feel familiar? Lastly, you have the person that is completely honest with their family history, starts to ask important questions, researches pass & present behaviors and makes every effort to stop the generational curse with honest knowledge.

It can be very daunting to try and figure out how to be different than your family for the better. I think people get scared to be different, eat different, dress different, behave different all for the good of God. And please know the difference between good vs. perfect. I am not perfect, God doesn’t expect us to be perfect but He does expect our best for Him.

My Father does not drink alcohol, my Mother started to enjoy a few alcoholic drinks much later in life. Alcohol was not glamorized in our family. And I know why, my Mother’s Father George was an alcoholic and he hurt his family in the process. George and I have never met but his legacy has lived on way pass his death.

I encourage you to stop and think about all the negative things you do, how you behave and how you handle everything. Are you riddled with fear, anxiety, rage, stress or depression? You may find the answer in the past so you can change the present and protect future generations to come. It may require you to do really big things but we have a really big God, so don’t worry.

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

Are you the Victim or Victor…

Of your life?

 

I pray you are the Victor and you are living a life with joy, peace and happiness for God. And if you are the Victim, I pray if you are reading this you will make an effort to read this entire blog to no longer be the Victim but the Victor. Let me show you the difference.

A Victim will constantly complain about almost everything in life, even down to the food served to them at a fast food restaurant. Victims live in the past of their hurt and refuse to heal or see a therapist. A Victim will relive their unhealthy past to everyone they meet, even relive it in their own head over and over again. And you can’t even be who God wants you to be because you are so focused on your dysfunctional past. You can’t be in a healthy relationship with yourself because you are so focused on your past. Since you can’t be healthy with yourself, you certainly can’t be in a relationship with another person. Shocker, right!?

When someone is living in their past dysfunction, I like to call that a dust storm. And when there is a dust storm, you can see but not clearly. And until the dust storm settles in your life and mind you can’t be who God ultimately created you to be.  Easy right!? Not so fast, easy if you truly want to be healed. Most Victim’s love to play the Victim, it’s like a role. People expect them to be negative, melancholy, angry and or sad, it’s their normal but not normal.

So when you want to stop playing the madness of the Victim role these are the things that will start to happen almost immediately when you want to be the Victor in your own life:

  1. You will no longer bring up the past hurt and chaos.
  2. You will no longer complain about everything.
  3. Your heart will heal and become happier, day by day.
  4. You will no longer hurt.
  5. You will no longer play the role of Victim.
  6. You will no longer use drugs, alcohol, retail therapy or food to make you fake happy or high.
  7. You will stop blaming the past for your present or future.
  8. The people around you will notice how different you are for the better, not worse.
  9. You will notice that you will begin to love yourself and essentially love others.
  10. You will get closer to God.

The Victor is the goal, Satan loves his Victims. Satan whispers the bad memories of your past to bring you down, not lift you up. Satan would love nothing more to ruin you and your family. We have the power of God to rebuke Satan and his evil. Remember God loves you and me, He is constantly pulling for us each and every day.

 

 

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

What Wheel are you on?

I ask this question because some of you might feel like you are on a hamster wheel, a ferris wheel, wheel of fortune or maybe you feel like you are on a wheel rolling down a hill totally out of control with no breaks.

The Hamster Wheel makes me think of people who wake up everyday and go about their life in the same exact manner everyday. Unfortunately, these people don’t even realize the one track life they are on. Why!? I will help you, it’s because when they look around they see that most in their inner circle behaving the same way. Tunnel vision living is not for you.

The Ferris Wheel makes me think of another group of people that live in very high, high’s and very low, low’s. Sure you might say to yourself, isn’t that life? Well, it doesn’t have to be, more importantly it’s not healthy. We make so many different decisions everyday to make our lives good or bad. It’s safer to always strive to make good healthy decisions in order for our life to be whole and holy.

The Wheel of Fortune might remind you of a television show but that is not what I am referring to. I am talking about being on the wheel of gaining wealth, aka fortune. What good is it to gain the entire world, and lose his own soul? (Mark 8:36) You can’t only focus on money, wealth and fortune if you truly want happiness. The love of money will lead to greed, emptiness and corruption. You can’t have two Masters of any kind.

The lone Wheel rolling down the hill out of control. The people on this wheel are experiencing anxiety, addiction, despair, fear, loneliness and/or abuse. Unfortunately, these people rarely reach out for help and feel totally, completely out of control.

No matter what wheel you might be on, get off! God ultimately wants you to release yourself from the trappings of your unhealthy decisions. God sent his one and only Son to die for our sins. He didn’t say,”Go child of mine, be dysfunctional, be emotionally unstable, angry, mad or sad.” It’s the exact opposite, God wants you to love Him and His ways, not man’s. God wants the best, His best for you and me.    


                                                                via Daily Prompt: Wheel

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

The night I went to jail…

To minister to an Inmate.

I was so confused to why this person was in jail after receiving a phone call one morning. So, I wanted to make sure what I was allowed to bring(bible) and wear. I contacted the Chaplain of the jail before my visit just to be prepared.

When I arrived to the jail, I was in a line of Attorneys, friends and family members. The welcome/waiting center of the jail was cold and unwelcoming. I checked in with my drivers license and gave the inmates first, middle and last name. Easy enough, right!? Not so fast, I was instantly denied access because I arrived on the wrong visiting evening. But wait, I had just talked to the Chaplain of the Jail who told me to arrive tonight at this time.

Once I told the woman about my dealings with the Chaplain, she acted as if she didn’t care. So I asked to speak to her Supervisor, famous last words. Then this big, tall, burly Officer appears and takes me to the side. I told him that I spoke with the Chaplain, the Chaplain told me to arrive tonight at this time, so this why I am here. He listened and had this real big ego and fake smile to go along with his big persona. The Officer proceeded to tell me that he was sorry that I was misinformed but I wasn’t going to be able to meet with this inmate under no circumstances.

I couldn’t believe it, I had cancelled my own bible study, I got my information from the Chaplain and I waited in line patiently with everyone. I then looked into his eyes and said very kindly, “May I speak to your Supervisor, please?” Then he lost it, he started to say,”Oh you want to talk to MY Supervisor, YOU want to talk to MY Supervisor?” This man turned bright red and no one watching flinched, I sat there in shock that he was acting so unprofessional and inappropriate for a Jail Guard. Then he walked away to make a call to his Supervisor.

As I sat and waited for the next Supervisor, the original Jail Guard came up to my face and stated I would not be getting in tonight. He was so mad and upset with me,  but before he slammed the door as he left I said,”God bless you.” He yelled back to me,”God bless you!” He was still so mad and angry, I couldn’t believe my eyes and what I experiencing?

Then to my surprise, I was greeted by a different, more professional Supervisor and he brought another guard with him; a female. I ,now, was telling my story for the 3rd time. I even played the message from the Chaplain of the jail from my cell phone. The Supervisor listened to me, heard the cell phone message and then looked at his colleague. At this point, I had no idea what was going to happen. Then he looked at me and said,”We are going to let you in tonight.” I instantly thanked him and God.

I was amazed how good God was to me that night, I held steadfast to my convictions. Satan didn’t want me to come into the jail and minister to that inmate but God did and that was beautiful. Whatever is right, holy or just is that of God and that is how we should live, everyday.

God is everywhere, Satan is not but unfortunately Satan leaves this stain on some of our lives if we let him. I see the stain on so many people’s lives, it’s disheartening. However, God sent His only Son to remove the sins or stains of our past. A stain is this lingering mark that doesn’t seem to disappear not matter how hard you try to remove it but that only comes from your lack of faith in God. God is the ultimate stain remover, just have faith.

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

A man from Chicago…

and I had a conversation about food.

He was in town for a wedding and we were talking about all the delicious desserts he is tempted to eat. He then proceeded to tell me that he weighed an extra 180 more pounds a year ago before he had gastric bypass surgery. My mouth dropped because he seemed naturally thin vs. previously obese. I told him how proud I was of him for all his hard word work and gave him a high five.

I then leveled with him about how hard it is to eat healthy every day with all the choices we have these days. We can have bad choices delivered to our front door, we can drive thru fast food restaurants and buy super unhealthy food choices at the grocery store. And television doesn’t help either, every other commercial is about unhealthy food as well. How do we compete with those odds? I will tell you.

We make our bodies a temple in which God created us to protect and nourish. We make an effort everyday to make good healthy choices to make our bodies strong, healthy and pure. We teach others and our children to make good wholesome choices as well. God doesn’t intend for us to live in pain, or be in a body that we are not going to take care of.

The gentleman told me that he could polish off a Chicago style pizza with all the toppings all by himself, every weekend. I asked him if he felt like he was in a constant food coma most of his life until now, he agreed. I have seen this behavior in many people’s lives, we develop habits that our life style condones. We surround ourselves with people that eat, live and sleep like us for the most part. So if you want to change your lifestyle with how you eat, live or sleep make an effort to make changes that encourage a healthy life. Lack of sleep and poor eating habits rob us from energy, overall health and happiness.

Daniel knew King Nebuchadnezzar’s food and wine was not healthy to eat. God gave Daniel the knowledge to discern healthy decisions vs. unhealthy choices. Just so you know, God gave us discernment too, we just have to decide to use it and not ignore it.

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

The 5k…

That made me incredibly happy.

I started a tradition of running in The Susan B. Komen 5k Race for a Cure in Memory of Grandma Mary Miles. My Grandma was my rock and soul. I miss the way she loved me and cared for me but I also appreciated the time we had together.

My Son had grown up watching me train and run the race, he was so proud of me. In 2004, Griffin says to me at the last minute, “Mama, I am running with you.” I instantly tell Griffin,”No honey, stay with Papa and I will be done very soon.” Griffin insisted that he too wanted to race in Memory of Grandma Miles, he pleaded with me.

I gave in, and we ran the race, side by side. There were times when Griffin wanted to quit and give in because he didn’t realize the commitment he made. His heart was in a good place for a 7 year old but he never ran a 5k before. I felt so much pride and love for my role as Mother. Sometimes we are so in the “Mom Mode” teaching and correcting that we don’t realize the positive impact we make on our children until we see them do things that make us proud.

Griffin and I finished the race together, with great big smiles on our faces and tears of joy in my eyes. I told Griffin to look behind him at the finish line, to see the 1000’s of people behind him. Griffin was amazed and pretty proud of himself.

Remember that God knows our limitations and struggles but He is always supporting us no matter what. And we need to support our children for the good of God’s kingdom, no matter what. Sometimes it’s hard to teach and convince our children the trials of life. Sometimes we refuse to let God convince and teach us His plan for our life. Be open to the goodness of God, His plans are far better than our plans for ourselves.