Posted on by Kristina Knowles

The 400 lb. woman who I…

met 3 years ago.

“Debbie” is a very thin, frail woman, with thin hair and an unhealthful appearance. I never thought much about how she looked until the day we both carried on a conversation longer than 5-10 minutes.

We started to talk about health and wellness. Debbie was complimenting me on my athletic physique. I responded back with, “how she managed to keep herself so thin?” Debbie responded with a diagnosis of death she (un)fortunately received in her late 40’s. She explained that while working as a nurse for a Doctor, Pharmaceutical Reps. would come in and try to win her with fancy dinners and decadent treats. She quickly began looking forward to these free meals and favors, not truly caring or realizing the negative health affects.

The fascinating part came when she explained how she felt so much pride getting paid to do her job well yet neglected how badly it affected her health and well being. She continued that after being wined and dined by the Reps. she would go back to the Doctor she worked for and encourage him to use their brands of medications. She admitted to researching the medicine, discussing the side affects and cost. These meetings became a personal conquest. The more research she did, the more she could challenge the Reps. knowing full well they would have to try harder to persuade her. Yet as time went on she quickly noticed her weight skyrocketing. My jaw was dropping the entire conversation.

Sadly over the years her weight topped 400 lbs. and nearly brought her to her death bed. I stood there in shock and disbelief. Debbie is now a size 4 and weighs about 100 lb. on a good day. It’s quite unbelievable to see this woman who lost 300 lb. I couldn’t stop telling her how proud I was for her. I was gushing and smiling with such excitement and even gave her a big hug. Then Debbie began to tell me how her personal Doctor told her that, “unless she made the decision to have a very crucial heart surgery, she would likely die”. Debbie then confessed that she literally had nothing to lose. I can either die because I am 400 lbs. or take the risk to save my life. I can determine to lose weight and if the surgery goes well, my life can be saved.

Thank God the operation was a success! Debbie lived 30 years after her life saving operation. She was able to retire, see her children get married and play with grandchildren she thought she would never meet. Sadly, about a month ago Debbie passed away alone in her home. I am so grateful I was her neighbor, a friend and someone who wanted to learn more about her journey.

God, thank you for neighbors and their stories, their testimony and their life. Thank you for forgiving us for being unavailable to your good, holy ways. Lord give us the strength to eat for nourishment and health. Help us focus on our bad unhealthy habits so we can change for the better and not the worse. Thank you for loving us, thank you for life and death. We lift Debbie up to you. Amen

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

Have you ever had an unexpected…

Best. Day. Ever with your Former spouse. I did, this past summer.

I came home to Maryland to spend time with my son while he was on leave from the military. I was having an amazing lunch with my Spiritual Mentor in Washington, D.C. After lunch, I headed back to my car suddenly I got a call from my son. I was so happy to hear from him, he invited me to meet him in Annapolis to jet ski. I jumped at the opportunity and headed to TJ Maxx to purchase a swimsuit first.

I made it to the pier in Annapolis where we planned to meet. I changed and sat patiently waiting for my son. A few minutes later I got a phone call. Hi, Mom. Hi, Griffin, Mom? Yes, Griffin! Can Dad come jet skiing with us? Of course, Griffin. But Griffin, are you sure he wants to come? Yes, Mom. Ok Griffin, see you both soon. Bye Mom, I love you. I love you too, Griffin. See you soon, click.

Shortly after that phone call, Griffin and his Dad showed up to the pier where we would all go jet skiing. There was a significant wait time for the jet ski’s, so we went to have lunch. And after lunch and jet skiing we all went to Griffin’s Dad’s home near by. We shared a steak, a Ledo’s pizza and amazing conversation. It was a happy, healthy day and all deemed so by God.

Griffin was able to bask in the enjoyment of his Mother and Father spend the day together in right relationship with each other after 12 years of divorce. It was something I had prayed for with my Priest, Father Joe 11 years earlier. I have been on my knees lifting up  prayers to God for a day like this one. In recent years, my relationship with my former spouse was cordial sprinkled with frustration in disagreements at times. Never perfect but we would always show up and be present at Griffin’s sporting events, ceremonies and birthdays the important things.

I share this beautiful story, trust me it was so beautiful, with you because our world continues to break every day. Our children are growing up in broken homes. Angry, ugly, mean, homes were people have lost their common sense. Children are growing up to be fractured adults from the brokenness of these divorces. Families everywhere continue to divorce, the very foundation of the family is cracking right before our eyes. The media, movies, television and reality television have made this nightmare of divorce “normal.” There is nothing “normal” about divorce, God hates divorce. Give in, throw in the towel, it’s all about me, not you, not the children but the “me” mentality. Instead of being about God first.

Lord, Father God, forgive us please!!! We are so sorry Lord, forgive us. Help our hearts to be Christ centered focus and NOT self centered. Stop the madness of the “me” and let us be about YOU Lord. Help us see our family and friends who struggle with their marriage so we can help them Lord. Help us send in reinforcements, Father God. Please rescue our families from the evil one. Let us live in a state of gratitude, mercy and grace. Take what the enemy wants for evil and make it good God. Restore the brokenness, the confusion, the hate, the bitterness. Let us be soldiers for you in love. Give us the discernment to help each other instead of tearing each other down. Thank you Lord, for everything even the hard times. In Jesus’s name we pray…Amen.

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

When you decide that addiction…

Is more meaningful than being a parent or protecting your children-tragedy. I was struck by a story I came across that feels more like a nightmare. A mother who knew her addiction and all the issues she had. A husband who she let back in, even though he wasn’t a safe or quality person.

The result was, after a day of diving into their addiction together, their 14 day old infant would be found dead in a wooded area right next to their home. The couple was found guilty. Neither one pleads guilty, in fact, both say that they didn’t do it, but they hope the authorities find the person or persons who did.

The Judge said something that was meaningful to me, as a Mother. The Judge said that he didn’t believe the Mother quite understood what being a Mother meant. The Judge also remarked that a Mama bear in the wild would protect her bear cubs at any cost, even at the cost of her own life. And that made me think on a deeper level. The Mama bear is 100% sober and connected to her responsibility-her cubs.  The woman I am referencing is battling her addiction only connected to-her self.

The wife was aware of his countless infractions with the law since he was a teenager to now, as an adult. The Mother decided to be with him anyway. The Mother knew he was not a kind or safe person for her or their children, she decided to be with him anyway. The Mother was warned by family, she decided to be with him anyway.

This story transcends on so many levels, like a cautionary tale. Addiction is something we should actively avoid at all cost, every day. Letting unsafe people into our lives and our children’s lives doesn’t make sense, especially if we know better. And children are a BLESSING, never to be discarded or hurt.

Have you ever heard or read a story like this? Unfortunately, it is more common than uncommon. We need to pray to God for these people, even though their story might upset us. Also, if you suspect someone you know is struggling with an addiction help them get help.

A redemption story would be absolutely beautiful for everyone involved with a Goldy ending.

 

 

 

 

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

A late lunch with…

Complete and total strangers.

My boyfriend and I were sitting in a lobby of a restaurant while waiting for a table. Another couple was waiting as well, I struck up a conversation with them. I felt like we had known them forever. When the hostess called their name, we were disappointed that the conversation had to come to an end.

However, something so special happened. “Carl” came back to us and invited us to sit with him and his wife for lunch. I have lived a long amazing life and yet to have this happen until now. We accepted and our conversation started where we left off in the lobby.

We were laughing with “Carl” and “Betty” and some serious, tearful moments about life. It was so fun to sit down with two total strangers and get along so well with them. It reminded me of Joseph and his brothers. Joseph’s bothers never spoke a kind word to him, hated him so much that they sold him. God had different plans for Joseph, thankfully that not even Joseph’s brothers could change.

I know families that struggle with getting along and loving on each other. The grudges are so strong and powerful that they ignore forgiveness. Evil forces would love nothing more to keep families broken and unhappy. Not God, He is the opposite of everything dark, mean, evil or hate-filled.

Yes, it’s true “Carl” and “Betty” and Chris and I don’t have any history together. No past to worry about, no old hurt feelings and no grudges. We have a clean slate of openness and newness. And that is exactly how God expects us to wake up every day to be towards each other regardless of how long or short we’ve known each other.

Another surprise, “Carl” got up to use the bathroom and paid for the entire meal and tip. We insisted to let us pay but he said it was too late. I am so grateful to God for experiences that make you so thankful. Great food, beautiful time together and amazing company.

Thanks be to God, Kristina!

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

Dear Sarah Nicole Henderson…

I wish I could have been there for you, way before you decided to kill your daughters.

When I saw your story come across the news early Friday morning on November 3, 2017 I was in shock. I don’t have a television anymore, by choice, so when I am out and about I see the news. Today I happened to see your news.

When I saw the pictures of your beautiful 2 little girls, Kaylee and Kenlie. I imagined myself at their age, playing with dolls, riding my bike, coloring and roller skating. I even thought about how they might be looking forward to finishing their Halloween candy or getting reading to make a list to Santa for all their wishes for Christmas.

I also would like you to know that I wish you would have asked for help. I know it can be uncomfortable, the unknown is always uncomfortable. But I know there are a lot of great people that you could have trusted.

I listened to your husbands 911 call. I heard his pain, I feel terrible for Jacob. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to see his step-daughter’s bodies lying lifeless in the living room. Sometimes we can’t even begin to realize the pain we inflict on others and the repercussions.

Sarah, I wish we would have known each other. I wish you would have called me to help you. Sarah, I pray for you and your healing. Your story is important because it is a reminder that there are people like you that need help. And it’s okay to need help, it’s important that people actually go through with finding healthy professional therapist and counselors who can lead us in the healing direction.

God is merciful, He alone is the Healer and Redeemer. Sarah, God will help you but only when you let Him. I know things look incredibly daunting right now, rightfully so but I will be praying for you.

Remember to always report unusual behavior of a loved one, family, friend or neighbor. When we can provide the necessary help sooner than later, the healing can and will begin.

God bless.

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

She is totally and completely…

Loved by God!

November 1st is All Saints day, a Holy day of obligation at my church. All Saints‘ Day, also called All Hallows’ Day, Hallowmas, or Feast of All Saints, in the Christian church, a day commemorating all the saints of the church, both known and unknown, celebrated on November 1 in the Western churches and on the first Sunday after Pentecost in the Eastern churches.

I am always grateful to be able to attend Mass and Holy days of obligation alike. As I walked in for All Saints day, I genuflected and sat down. Not paying much attention to anyone sitting around me because Mass was starting, I wanted to be concentrating and focused on the word.

Out of the blue, I heard this sweet little laugh a pew away. I looked into the direction and saw this beautiful black baby girl. I would guess she was 5 months old, cute little Afro with a bright red headband with a bow, a chambray ruffled shirt and grey leggings. Omygosh, she is glowing, she is adorable and she is loved.

I started to then focus and see her parents and 3 siblings all vying to hold her, even I wanted to hold her. It was clearly her sisters turn to hold her, she started to feed her with a bottle. And her older brother was keeping close watch over the feeding and a younger brother watching as well. All the while Mom and Dad lovingly looked at each other.

This beautiful black baby girl was clearly adopted by this family. And clearly God was all over this, it was beautiful to watch and experience. I started to cry with tears of joy to watch the abundance of Gods love right here in front of me at church. I wish I could have talked to them to let them know how wonderful it is to watch Gods love in action.

It hurts me when people claim they shouldn’t go to church or they don’t want to go to church. God wants us to go to church for this very reason, so we can see or feel something we didn’t expect to experience. I am open to God, I want what he wants for me every day.

As Mass came to a close, the little baby looked at me and we started to play peek-a-boo, she waved to me and she said, “Hi!” I was beaming for that little baby because you could see God, feel the Holy Spirit and experience Jesus all at once.

Please reconsider finding a church based on the teachings of the bible. We are all broken people trying to make sense of this broken world. However, with God we are saved and we can expect the promises He has made in the bible. I have experienced them, I know you will too.

Peace be with you.

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

Wow, she said I reminded her…

Of the new Wonder Woman.

A friend recently saw the movie Wonder Woman and remarked that I remind her of the character. I had not seen the movie, but I was flattered. I mean, as a little girl I watched Wonder Woman before or after my brother watched The Bionic Man. I adored Wonder Woman, she was so AMAZING!

After I came down from floating off of the very kind compliment, I asked “Renee”, “What about the movie made you think of me?” Renee instantly responded that after the movie begun the story line of Wonder Woman became very obvious. “Wonder Woman has values that she lives by and believes in,” “Renee” explained, just like you.” “Kristina ever since I met you you want to help as many people as you can.” If and when you see the movie, you will see that Wonder Woman wants to help people, just like you.” “She also is tall, brunette and likes to work out and eat healthy, just like you.” “Renee” and I both laughed and I thanked her for the compliment.

The next weekend I went to see the movie, it was great. I enjoyed the story line, “Renee” was correct, Wonder Woman does want to help everyone. And I pray that everyone took that away from the movie as well. Wonder Woman didn’t give in or give up, she persevered. God calls us to help the least of these as much as we can. It’s why we all should wake up in the morning. It should be our driving force to make this world today, a better place.

Our influence on the people who we directly affect every day is important. We create a ripple effect on the way we raise our children, the way they go out into the world to do good or bad, help or hurt and/or build or condemn. The good news is, it’s never too late to change their world for the better. Make Godly goals with your family, friends and neighbors, and watch all the positive things unfold.

Peace be with you!

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

A pink “Virginia is for Lovers”…

Shirt walking towards me in TJ Maxx, oh my.

I couldn’t believe my eyes, I was so excited to be in Texas and to see a possible Virginian. I walked up to her and introduced myself. She politely introduced herself back, then I knew she was definitely from Virginia. I believe she could see the excitement on my face, so we started to talk in the middle of the store.

After she told me what part of Virginia she was raised, her family history and where she moved to after living in Virginia most of her life, things got real. “Grace” was a beautiful blonde woman in her late 70’s, great shape and had a bright light about her. Besides her pink shirt, I know her light pulled me in to strike up a conversation with her.

“Grace” began to tell me why she was in Texas, the horror story of addiction that plagues her family while living in Virginia but now her own Son’s life and his family. I listened to her intently and I immediately heard the similarity between her own Father, her Son and her Granddaughter. “Graces” son pleaded with his Mother to come visit with him to help him.

Mind you, we are standing in the middle of a TJ Maxx. And I am barely saying anything just listening and taking mental notes. “Graces” Son has called her a few times but she let the calls go to voicemail. And she is telling me more and more, more pain, more heartache, more addiction. I shake and nod my head and even hold her hand at one point.

You should know “Grace” has this amazing plan to help her family. And I couldn’t agree more with her plan. The light shines so brightly from her despite her pain and heartache, she is a Believer. God put us in each other’s path so we would talk to one another. A former resident of Virginia and Mrs. Virginia, living in Texas sees a pink(favorite color) “Virginia is for Lovers” shirt. Come on, you can’t make this stuff up.

Sometimes we aren’t suppose to talk, we just should listen. I was able to affirm and confirm a lot of things for her. “Grace” was grateful I approached her and introduced myself. And I told her I was grateful she felt safe to tell me her tragedy. She was quite surprised with herself that she was able to share such intimate details with me. I responded with,”What intimate details are you referring to, what are you talking about?” We both laughed and hugged each other good-bye.

God bless you!

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

A gift that came out of…

God’s plan.

I recently came upon a very cute and adorable picture of my son and his childhood friend, Erica. The two of them look so happy, innocent and full of joy. Griffin and Erica were always up to something, lots of laughing and plotting. I always enjoyed watching them have fun being children.

We were blessed to have met Erica’s family, Kristin and I became best friends. We had so much in common, our families enjoyed each other. When we got the news they were moving to Kentucky we were so disappointed but excited they were moving on to bigger and better things.

After they moved, Griffin and I felt a great sense of loss. How do you prepare children for loss of any kind? You offer support, love and care while you mend the hurt. We also did something else, we planned a road trip to Kentucky. We left with excitement and anticipation.

As the years went by, we tried to stay in touch and see each other whenever we could. Our lives and schedules got more and more busy as Erica and Griffin got older. It’s to be expected but still hard and we missed our friends. But the story doesn’t end there…

Griffin decided he would be going into the Air Force, February 2017. I knew it might be coming but we kept it a secret until he was sure. And then one day I was reading my news-feed on Facebook that Erica had joined the Air Force and would be in BMT at the exact same time Griffin would be there. I started to weep with shock and joy.

I am proud to report that Griffin and Erica graduated from the Air Force on the same day just like they did so many years ago in preschool. After graduation we sat down for lunch and caught up. We reminisced about all the shenanigans Griffin and Erica got into while friends in Gainesville, Virginia. Thank God for unbelievable surprises of joy!

Kristin and I could not have planned this if we had tried. God is so good to me, so good to all of us. I don’t question God, I don’t have to. He shows up every day and reveals Himself to me, for you too. We have to be open to receiving Him on His terms and not our own. It’s better, safe and awesome…I promise.

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

Generational curses…

Don’t pass them on.

I have heard many stories, I have had many talks and lots of conversations about families. I am a Christian who believes in the generational curse. There has been many debates about it, I just have seen too many cases to prove otherwise.

I want to start off with the good news, you have the fortitude to stop it today. And then you get to stop some more of it tomorrow and so on and so on and so on. See, I believe we can see the curse if we just pay close attention. Most people think it’s normal if their parent is a drug addict or alcoholic that they will most likely become the same. Then you have the person who fights tooth and nail to be nothing like their parents and end up being like them anyway. Sound or feel familiar? Lastly, you have the person that is completely honest with their family history, starts to ask important questions, researches pass & present behaviors and makes every effort to stop the generational curse with honest knowledge.

It can be very daunting to try and figure out how to be different than your family for the better. I think people get scared to be different, eat different, dress different, behave different all for the good of God. And please know the difference between good vs. perfect. I am not perfect, God doesn’t expect us to be perfect but He does expect our best for Him.

My Father does not drink alcohol, my Mother started to enjoy a few alcoholic drinks much later in life. Alcohol was not glamorized in our family. And I know why, my Mother’s Father George was an alcoholic and he hurt his family in the process. George and I have never met but his legacy has lived on way pass his death.

I encourage you to stop and think about all the negative things you do, how you behave and how you handle everything. Are you riddled with fear, anxiety, rage, stress or depression? You may find the answer in the past so you can change the present and protect future generations to come. It may require you to do really big things but we have a really big God, so don’t worry.