Posted on by Kristina Knowles

A very unexpected Mother’s Day…

Gift that would make me cry yesterday, not on Mother’s Day itself.

I got married a year ago to an incredibly loving and kind man. Chris also happens to be Godly, which is very meaningful to me. Chris has 4 children from a previous marriage, yes, I know how Godly can he be if he’s been married and divorced. Well, to be totally transparent, he has been married twice before me, I make marriage number three.

I know, I know and I was married once before my marriage to Chris. My former spouse and I had one son, who I absolutely love and adore. Chris and I are positively in love with God but we are blemished, not perfect-sorry. Here is the good news, blemishes clear up and go away. God is a forgiving god, He sent his only begotten Son to provide the payment for our sin, ourselves.

Chris lovingly bought me a gift card from my new stepson’s and a separate gift card from my son on Mother’s Day. I was so excited and grateful, it was to a shoe store. I held onto those gift cards for months, not finding any shoes I needed or wanted. Then while out shopping with my girlfriends, I came across a pair of bedazzled van styled shoes. The sparkle and shine that these shoes illuminated was beautiful and bright. I had to have them immediately. The shoe store didn’t have my size so I would have to wait a few weeks to wear them. Oh the anticipation…

Two weeks later, the bedazzled shoes arrived. When I opened the box, I made a happy screech, put the lid back on and slid them under my bed. What, why on earth would my first instinct be to cover them up and put them away? Why wouldn’t I wear them immediately and strut around? And then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

At that moment I wasn’t ready for all the bedazzleness, the newness, the sparkle. It was overwhelming. And I believe that is how some of us feel about God. We unfortunately have the evil one whispering to us in our ears telling us we don’t deserve goodness, we are not worthy and God doesn’t love us. I am here to tell you, the evil one is dead wrong.

Our God says,”Come to me, I love you, I forgive you, I created you, let me help you, I have a purpose for you, follow me.” And we resist Him, we ignore Him, we believe the lies. And most importantly we feel so unworthy of His promises, His acceptance and His love. Just because we are not perfect, does not mean we are not acceptable. Everyone has sinned, we are fallen human beings. Here is the good news, we have REDEMPTION through Jesus Christ, amen!!!!

I have sinned, I always ask for forgiveness. I love God, He blesses me, there is proof. The shoes I bought using my Mother’s Day gift cards represent two things for me today. When God looks at me, He sees the newness, sparkle and shine, because I am forgiven. And the way I feel when I wear these shoes, I am worthy of God’s love because He is the Author of my newness, sparkle and shine. Even when I am being disciplined by God, I am worthy of Him and His love for me and you.

Father God, you are so Holy. Thank you for giving us the desires of your heart and not ours. We know we need to be still so we can hear you. We need to see you in all things, especially the small things. Lord, please give us a grateful heart, a giving heart that aligns with you, and only you. Thank you God for seeing us shiny and new and not as dirty rags. Please forgive us, please guide and direct our steps to you. In Jesus’s name we pray…Amen!

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

Have you ever had an unexpected…

Best. Day. Ever with your Former spouse. I did, this past summer.

I came home to Maryland to spend time with my son while he was on leave from the military. I was having an amazing lunch with my Spiritual Mentor in Washington, D.C. After lunch, I headed back to my car suddenly I got a call from my son. I was so happy to hear from him, he invited me to meet him in Annapolis to jet ski. I jumped at the opportunity and headed to TJ Maxx to purchase a swimsuit first.

I made it to the pier in Annapolis where we planned to meet. I changed and sat patiently waiting for my son. A few minutes later I got a phone call. Hi, Mom. Hi, Griffin, Mom? Yes, Griffin! Can Dad come jet skiing with us? Of course, Griffin. But Griffin, are you sure he wants to come? Yes, Mom. Ok Griffin, see you both soon. Bye Mom, I love you. I love you too, Griffin. See you soon, click.

Shortly after that phone call, Griffin and his Dad showed up to the pier where we would all go jet skiing. There was a significant wait time for the jet ski’s, so we went to have lunch. And after lunch and jet skiing we all went to Griffin’s Dad’s home near by. We shared a steak, a Ledo’s pizza and amazing conversation. It was a happy, healthy day and all deemed so by God.

Griffin was able to bask in the enjoyment of his Mother and Father spend the day together in right relationship with each other after 12 years of divorce. It was something I had prayed for with my Priest, Father Joe 11 years earlier. I have been on my knees lifting up  prayers to God for a day like this one. In recent years, my relationship with my former spouse was cordial sprinkled with frustration in disagreements at times. Never perfect but we would always show up and be present at Griffin’s sporting events, ceremonies and birthdays the important things.

I share this beautiful story, trust me it was so beautiful, with you because our world continues to break every day. Our children are growing up in broken homes. Angry, ugly, mean, homes were people have lost their common sense. Children are growing up to be fractured adults from the brokenness of these divorces. Families everywhere continue to divorce, the very foundation of the family is cracking right before our eyes. The media, movies, television and reality television have made this nightmare of divorce “normal.” There is nothing “normal” about divorce, God hates divorce. Give in, throw in the towel, it’s all about me, not you, not the children but the “me” mentality. Instead of being about God first.

Lord, Father God, forgive us please!!! We are so sorry Lord, forgive us. Help our hearts to be Christ centered focus and NOT self centered. Stop the madness of the “me” and let us be about YOU Lord. Help us see our family and friends who struggle with their marriage so we can help them Lord. Help us send in reinforcements, Father God. Please rescue our families from the evil one. Let us live in a state of gratitude, mercy and grace. Take what the enemy wants for evil and make it good God. Restore the brokenness, the confusion, the hate, the bitterness. Let us be soldiers for you in love. Give us the discernment to help each other instead of tearing each other down. Thank you Lord, for everything even the hard times. In Jesus’s name we pray…Amen.

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

Happy vs. Holy..

Which one is more important to you?

I recently met a couple, they told me that they have been married to each other for 28 years. Wow, I exclaimed and congratulated them both. I was intrigued to know how were they defying the odds and avoiding divorce.

The gentleman, quickly responded,”I married up” for sure. We all laughed but then his wife responded. “It’s not about finding someone who makes you happy but someone who makes you Holy.” I responded with a firm, Amen and added when you are holy, it is when you are truly happy. We were all smiling, shaking our heads in agreement.

Then I started to think of every relationship I ever had in my entire life. Romantic, platonic, family, friendly, work, neighbors, college, high school and elementary, all of them. Which one’s were leading me to be holy and which ones were not, the list was short but instantly I was able to identify each and every person who wanted to do good in my life for God.

I love this concept, help and lead people new and old to be more holy, which will lead to true happiness. Great concept but are people in general ready to be happy on God’s terms or are they striving to solely be happy on their own? I truly believe this is the #1 hang up in most people’s lives. Let go and let God I like to say when someone is so stuck they can’t see straight. However, easier said than done for most.

I will choose God for the source of my holiness which will undeniably lead me to happiness. My happiness from holiness will lead to the happiness and holiness for others. I pray for you today, choose God’s plan for your life above your own. I promise, it’s even better than you could have ever imagined for yourself.

 

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

My Four Fathers…

And how I love them so.

I was born to a Mother and Father, then after 11 years of marriage they decided to part ways and divorce. And you would think that is where the story ended but no that is where the blessings began.

I have Four remarkable Fathers who have made an impact on my life. I know, I know, some people can’t even say they have 1 father and I have been blessed with four men who I get to call Dad. I took the sour lemons of life and made delicious green tea lemonade and stayed blessed.

One day while I was thinking about my 4 Fathers I started to write their names down in order in which they came into my life.

A is for Andrew, my Dad who gave me life. My Dad is a tough guy but a kind heart. He taught me to be strong, fierce, kind and graceful. My Dad told me to never let anyone tell me I couldn’t do something good, to never back down and to never give up. We were active with bike riding, cooking and sports galore. My Dad didn’t drink or do drugs and he advocated the same principles for me; I obliged. I love roses because my Dad made sure I had roses for birthdays and Valentine’s day. My Dad wanted us to have manners and respect so he would take us to fine dining restaurants, so we could practice what he taught us. And to this day, my Dad may disagree with my politics but he loves me and appreciates me for who I am and I love him.

R is for Robert, my Dad who came in after the divorce. The very tall, kind, quiet and caring Dad; a gentle giant if you will. He like my Dad, taught me grace which every little girl should be taught. Robert is a very patient man, he had no children of his own before our brother Jacob came along. With Robert, I learned about a beautiful Jewish family and religion first hand. He included us in all his family activities and traditions without batting an eye. Robert gave me a different perspective on family values. He encouraged me, helped me start baby-sitting and would even drive me and my friends to the mall when other parents couldn’t. And to this day, Robert is still my Dad and I love him so much.

M is for Michael, my other Dad who came in after the divorce from Robert. Unfortunately, I didn’t bond with Michael but that doesn’t mean I didn’t learn something from him while he was in the position of Dad. Michael was a Southern Baptist from Alabama who was extremely set in his ways with no prior children of his own. And I will leave it right there…

S is for Steve, my current Dad after a huge gap of time after Michael. Steve is quiet, generous, patient and kind. Oh yeah, super smart and will beat you at trivia. Steve is a singer, loves a good pipe, a stiff drink and his dogs. I have been a single Mom for the last 11 years, without the help, kindness and care from Steve and my Mom I don’t know how my life would be. I am grateful that Steve loves my Mom so much, again with no children of his own he has shown so much care and kindness. And I love Steve, too.

So as you can see, God blessed me with 4 unbelievable Fathers. The A.R.M.S. of each Father surrounded me with kindness, care, concern and love in their own special way, even Michael. God knew I needed each Father for a different reason that would help mold me into the women I am today. My life could be so different but God made it so wonderful.

Happy Father’s Day to all the Dad’s who showed up to be a great force in their children’s lives. I appreciate the Dad’s who won’t give up during the tough times of life. And lastly, God bless the Dad’s who stepped in when someone else stepped out. Thank you!

(*I am not an Advocate of Divorce, I don’t recommend multiple marriages. However, I know without a doubt through all the trials and tribulations of my life Jesus was right there beside me, showing up, loving me and protecting me. Just like He is today for you and me.)