Posted on by Kristina Knowles

The 400 lb. woman who I…

met 3 years ago.

“Debbie” is a very thin, frail woman, with thin hair and an unhealthful appearance. I never thought much about how she looked until the day we both carried on a conversation longer than 5-10 minutes.

We started to talk about health and wellness. Debbie was complimenting me on my athletic physique. I responded back with, “how she managed to keep herself so thin?” Debbie responded with a diagnosis of death she (un)fortunately received in her late 40’s. She explained that while working as a nurse for a Doctor, Pharmaceutical Reps. would come in and try to win her with fancy dinners and decadent treats. She quickly began looking forward to these free meals and favors, not truly caring or realizing the negative health affects.

The fascinating part came when she explained how she felt so much pride getting paid to do her job well yet neglected how badly it affected her health and well being. She continued that after being wined and dined by the Reps. she would go back to the Doctor she worked for and encourage him to use their brands of medications. She admitted to researching the medicine, discussing the side affects and cost. These meetings became a personal conquest. The more research she did, the more she could challenge the Reps. knowing full well they would have to try harder to persuade her. Yet as time went on she quickly noticed her weight skyrocketing. My jaw was dropping the entire conversation.

Sadly over the years her weight topped 400 lbs. and nearly brought her to her death bed. I stood there in shock and disbelief. Debbie is now a size 4 and weighs about 100 lb. on a good day. It’s quite unbelievable to see this woman who lost 300 lb. I couldn’t stop telling her how proud I was for her. I was gushing and smiling with such excitement and even gave her a big hug. Then Debbie began to tell me how her personal Doctor told her that, “unless she made the decision to have a very crucial heart surgery, she would likely die”. Debbie then confessed that she literally had nothing to lose. I can either die because I am 400 lbs. or take the risk to save my life. I can determine to lose weight and if the surgery goes well, my life can be saved.

Thank God the operation was a success! Debbie lived 30 years after her life saving operation. She was able to retire, see her children get married and play with grandchildren she thought she would never meet. Sadly, about a month ago Debbie passed away alone in her home. I am so grateful I was her neighbor, a friend and someone who wanted to learn more about her journey.

God, thank you for neighbors and their stories, their testimony and their life. Thank you for forgiving us for being unavailable to your good, holy ways. Lord give us the strength to eat for nourishment and health. Help us focus on our bad unhealthy habits so we can change for the better and not the worse. Thank you for loving us, thank you for life and death. We lift Debbie up to you. Amen

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

The Uber ride I will never…

Forget or stop sharing the story with others.

I agreed to donate my time, husbands money and food to a pregnant student. I enjoy meal prepping so I donated my services to her this week. The food is prepared fresh so I ran out the night before to Walmart. When I got into my car, it wouldn’t start. I then jumped into my husband’s car and set off to buy the groceries.

When I returned home, I used my husband’s car to jump start my car. I needed to be prepared for my delivery the next day. I even drove my car around for 40 minutes after I jump started it-yay! I headed up stairs to make meals then to bed. It always feels like Christmas when you help others. I love this feeling.

Jumped out of bed, packed up all the healthy food and headed downstairs to my car. I got in, the car didn’t start-uggghhhh noooo. I could not believe it, I was literally so prepared . I called my husband immediately, Chris told me to Uber to her and back. Wow, okay if you say so.

The Uber driver was here in 7 minutes flat which would get me there at the exact time the student and I agreed to meet before her classes-thank God. The Uber driver was nice and kind, we instantly started talking. I don’t know exactly how we started talking about Jesus and God but it happened. And it was so fantastic!!

I knew this was God’s plan because the conversation flowed with ease but wasn’t totally sure. We arrived at the location, I dropped off the food and got back into the car. As we headed back to my home the conversation started right back up again. “Lenny” wanted to know how I got my relationship with Jesus. Lenny mentioned I had a joy he could only dream of.

I asked “Lenny”, “if Jesus wanted him to do something out of his comfort zone, would he do it?” “Lenny” replied that while he would not say no, he would not say yes, either. He would instead ask why? I told him the reason he wasn’t feeling the same joy that I do, could be his doubt in God’s leading. I mentioned to him that, “if he wanted God’s best for his life, then he should trust in His promptings”. We should always ask the Holy Spirit to lead and guide us. “Lenny” was confessing a lack of faith that we all struggle with at times. Is it possible we are missing out on many amazing and abundant blessings by not acting on God’s gentle urgings? The next time we hear them, should we question and ask why? Or instead say, “Yes Jesus!”

Our conversation ended with Lenny admitting he was going to accept an invitation by his neighbor to go to church with them. Amen! Lenny needed confirmation and got it from God through our conversation. I left my Uber with a huge smile and a pep in my step.  Then I quickly realized I had a car battery problem to contend with.

I waited until Chris came home to give me a jump start so we could drive to Auto Zone to figure out the issue with my car. And as I am telling Chris about the Uber ride as he gets into my car, the car starts. I cried, like tears pouring out like a faucet. How is this car starting? I tried so many times before calling Chris earlier this morning, this can’t be happening. Then just to make sure, we drove to Auto Zone and had the attendant check it out. “Miss, your car is 98% charged”….what???? Tears, tears and more tears of complete joy and confirmation.

Let God use us, don’t be mad, just be glad in all circumstances.

Father God, thank you for the things we don’t know about. Thank you for using us for you. Thank you for loving us even when we might think you forgot about us like Lenny. We love you so much Lord, please forgive us and our inability to see our issues. Help us see our evil ways and correct them. Help us love you more. Help us read the bible more. You are absolutely amazing and beautiful. In Jesus’s name we pray…Amen!!!!

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

A very unexpected Mother’s Day…

Gift that would make me cry yesterday, not on Mother’s Day itself.

I got married a year ago to an incredibly loving and kind man. Chris also happens to be Godly, which is very meaningful to me. Chris has 4 children from a previous marriage, yes, I know how Godly can he be if he’s been married and divorced. Well, to be totally transparent, he has been married twice before me, I make marriage number three.

I know, I know and I was married once before my marriage to Chris. My former spouse and I had one son, who I absolutely love and adore. Chris and I are positively in love with God but we are blemished, not perfect-sorry. Here is the good news, blemishes clear up and go away. God is a forgiving god, He sent his only begotten Son to provide the payment for our sin, ourselves.

Chris lovingly bought me a gift card from my new stepson’s and a separate gift card from my son on Mother’s Day. I was so excited and grateful, it was to a shoe store. I held onto those gift cards for months, not finding any shoes I needed or wanted. Then while out shopping with my girlfriends, I came across a pair of bedazzled van styled shoes. The sparkle and shine that these shoes illuminated was beautiful and bright. I had to have them immediately. The shoe store didn’t have my size so I would have to wait a few weeks to wear them. Oh the anticipation…

Two weeks later, the bedazzled shoes arrived. When I opened the box, I made a happy screech, put the lid back on and slid them under my bed. What, why on earth would my first instinct be to cover them up and put them away? Why wouldn’t I wear them immediately and strut around? And then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

At that moment I wasn’t ready for all the bedazzleness, the newness, the sparkle. It was overwhelming. And I believe that is how some of us feel about God. We unfortunately have the evil one whispering to us in our ears telling us we don’t deserve goodness, we are not worthy and God doesn’t love us. I am here to tell you, the evil one is dead wrong.

Our God says,”Come to me, I love you, I forgive you, I created you, let me help you, I have a purpose for you, follow me.” And we resist Him, we ignore Him, we believe the lies. And most importantly we feel so unworthy of His promises, His acceptance and His love. Just because we are not perfect, does not mean we are not acceptable. Everyone has sinned, we are fallen human beings. Here is the good news, we have REDEMPTION through Jesus Christ, amen!!!!

I have sinned, I always ask for forgiveness. I love God, He blesses me, there is proof. The shoes I bought using my Mother’s Day gift cards represent two things for me today. When God looks at me, He sees the newness, sparkle and shine, because I am forgiven. And the way I feel when I wear these shoes, I am worthy of God’s love because He is the Author of my newness, sparkle and shine. Even when I am being disciplined by God, I am worthy of Him and His love for me and you.

Father God, you are so Holy. Thank you for giving us the desires of your heart and not ours. We know we need to be still so we can hear you. We need to see you in all things, especially the small things. Lord, please give us a grateful heart, a giving heart that aligns with you, and only you. Thank you God for seeing us shiny and new and not as dirty rags. Please forgive us, please guide and direct our steps to you. In Jesus’s name we pray…Amen!

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

Have you ever had an unexpected…

Best. Day. Ever with your Former spouse. I did, this past summer.

I came home to Maryland to spend time with my son while he was on leave from the military. I was having an amazing lunch with my Spiritual Mentor in Washington, D.C. After lunch, I headed back to my car suddenly I got a call from my son. I was so happy to hear from him, he invited me to meet him in Annapolis to jet ski. I jumped at the opportunity and headed to TJ Maxx to purchase a swimsuit first.

I made it to the pier in Annapolis where we planned to meet. I changed and sat patiently waiting for my son. A few minutes later I got a phone call. Hi, Mom. Hi, Griffin, Mom? Yes, Griffin! Can Dad come jet skiing with us? Of course, Griffin. But Griffin, are you sure he wants to come? Yes, Mom. Ok Griffin, see you both soon. Bye Mom, I love you. I love you too, Griffin. See you soon, click.

Shortly after that phone call, Griffin and his Dad showed up to the pier where we would all go jet skiing. There was a significant wait time for the jet ski’s, so we went to have lunch. And after lunch and jet skiing we all went to Griffin’s Dad’s home near by. We shared a steak, a Ledo’s pizza and amazing conversation. It was a happy, healthy day and all deemed so by God.

Griffin was able to bask in the enjoyment of his Mother and Father spend the day together in right relationship with each other after 12 years of divorce. It was something I had prayed for with my Priest, Father Joe 11 years earlier. I have been on my knees lifting up  prayers to God for a day like this one. In recent years, my relationship with my former spouse was cordial sprinkled with frustration in disagreements at times. Never perfect but we would always show up and be present at Griffin’s sporting events, ceremonies and birthdays the important things.

I share this beautiful story, trust me it was so beautiful, with you because our world continues to break every day. Our children are growing up in broken homes. Angry, ugly, mean, homes were people have lost their common sense. Children are growing up to be fractured adults from the brokenness of these divorces. Families everywhere continue to divorce, the very foundation of the family is cracking right before our eyes. The media, movies, television and reality television have made this nightmare of divorce “normal.” There is nothing “normal” about divorce, God hates divorce. Give in, throw in the towel, it’s all about me, not you, not the children but the “me” mentality. Instead of being about God first.

Lord, Father God, forgive us please!!! We are so sorry Lord, forgive us. Help our hearts to be Christ centered focus and NOT self centered. Stop the madness of the “me” and let us be about YOU Lord. Help us see our family and friends who struggle with their marriage so we can help them Lord. Help us send in reinforcements, Father God. Please rescue our families from the evil one. Let us live in a state of gratitude, mercy and grace. Take what the enemy wants for evil and make it good God. Restore the brokenness, the confusion, the hate, the bitterness. Let us be soldiers for you in love. Give us the discernment to help each other instead of tearing each other down. Thank you Lord, for everything even the hard times. In Jesus’s name we pray…Amen.

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

Do you know the difference…

Between Mentally unhealthy and Emotionally healthy?

I had an awesome conversation with a 20-something year old recently. The light bulbs were going off by the end of our final words together. It all started with a question about a relationship. What does a healthy relationship look like?

Safe people with healthy boundaries is a good start. A safe, healthy person isn’t going to put you into a situation that would harm you physically, mentally, emotionally or morally.

Examples but not absolutes…

The physical harm would come from driving drunk and getting drunk, hitting you, abusing you, doing drugs and driving high. Anything that prevents you from being sober minded is putting yourself and the person you love in harms way.  “Be sober minded.”

The mental harm would come from daily abuse in the form of words, texts, emails or gossip. When a person abuses you verbally is changes who you are. Unfortunately, this is why some people contemplate suicide, who can’t be present in their own life because of depression, angry spirits, high-anxiety and closed minded people who refuse to be open to healthy communication. “Gentle words bring life and health.”

The emotional harm would come from ghosting, lying, manipulating, tricking and emotionally unavailable. When a person is self-centered, conceited or arrogant you’ll instantly notice their ideas and ways of doing things are the “only” way. They typically are not open to healthy advice or suggestions because they are centered focus on themselves. This type of behavior doesn’t allow for healthy growth in the proper direction, like a lastly, loving relationship. “The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.”

The moral harm would lack trust, honesty, respect and purity within the relationship. The world has desensitized us to believe being good is wrong and stupid, maybe even crazy. We watch movies, television shows, play video games that detracts us, encourages us to live ungodly, inappropriate and degrade us. When your significant other tramples on you because your beliefs, it’s a strong sign he or she is NOT the one.

Heed my loving warning to all those in a relationship. Make sure you are a safe, healthy person first before entertaining or attempting a relationship. And when sizing up the person you are most attracted to, ask them the important questions. Being safe and single is far better than in a relationship with a mentally unstable person, I promise.

God loves us so much, He wants His best for your life. Lord, I ask that you bring forth the healthy people that need to matched with other healthy people. I ask that you heal the broken, the unsaved and the hurt, all of them Lord. Open our eyes to you Jesus, so we can see and know who you send instead of how we want. Thank you so much God for everything you continue to do for all of us, we deserve nothing. The blessings are unbelievable. In Jesus’s name we pray…Amen!

 

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

How do you feel when…

You wake up in the morning, at school or work, throughout the day and right before you go to bed? Have you ever wondered and watched as a child, adults and their behavior? I believe I was blessed. I watched highly active adults play sports my entire childhood. Sweat, blood and tears of winning and losing in the name of sports and being active.

Today I want to highlight the positive benefits of being raised in an active, athletic household. We were encouraged to try something new, and we played outside in the fresh-air most days. Our brains react positively to safe cardio and activity. I believe parts of my Mother’s personality were cultivated by being athletic and active. Sleeping was something we did to recharge, sleeping in was not something our bodies tolerated. And when we woke up, we were happy not negative or groggy.

There was something interesting about my Mother, she was never tired. Well, at least not in front of me. I never saw her do drugs or get drunk, thank you God. I watched how she made real food, with real ingredients. My Mother was on the go and active, she appeared to love life. And laughter and jokes was a source of light in our home. Thankful that I was able to be blessed with those positive traits.

What if we realized that the positive traits of our parents can be utilized to benefit our life, immediately. Even being smart enough to watch the negative attributes and turn them into positives.

God always wants us to be alert, He does! I ask you today to be alert, pay attention, be open. Stop and realize that our biggest obstacles in life might be a generational curse we have not even realized. Joy is possible, happiness is real and love is all about God.

My Mother suffers from anxiety and is somewhat shy in some circumstances. As a little girl, I watched my Mother in many situations struggle with finding her voice . I struggled with trying to understand my Mother’s struggle. It was incredibly hard to watch, so I vowed not to be like my Mother in those circumstances. God gave me the assurance that the enemy wants the worse possible scenario for your life. Unfortunately, the enemy knows our weaknesses and is always willing to remind us.

My prayers for all of you today, Lord let my family, friends and neighbors see and feel your love above all else. May you open their eyes and let them truly see their obstacles, so they can fix them. Let’s be in agreement that no one is perfect but you Jesus, so please rain down your love so we can feel your presence. We are thankful for you Lord, your blessings are amazing. Make us open, make us more alert and help us love you more.

In Jesus’s name we pray, Amen!

 

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

When you decide that addiction…

Is more meaningful than being a parent or protecting your children-tragedy. I was struck by a story I came across that feels more like a nightmare. A mother who knew her addiction and all the issues she had. A husband who she let back in, even though he wasn’t a safe or quality person.

The result was, after a day of diving into their addiction together, their 14 day old infant would be found dead in a wooded area right next to their home. The couple was found guilty. Neither one pleads guilty, in fact, both say that they didn’t do it, but they hope the authorities find the person or persons who did.

The Judge said something that was meaningful to me, as a Mother. The Judge said that he didn’t believe the Mother quite understood what being a Mother meant. The Judge also remarked that a Mama bear in the wild would protect her bear cubs at any cost, even at the cost of her own life. And that made me think on a deeper level. The Mama bear is 100% sober and connected to her responsibility-her cubs.  The woman I am referencing is battling her addiction only connected to-her self.

The wife was aware of his countless infractions with the law since he was a teenager to now, as an adult. The Mother decided to be with him anyway. The Mother knew he was not a kind or safe person for her or their children, she decided to be with him anyway. The Mother was warned by family, she decided to be with him anyway.

This story transcends on so many levels, like a cautionary tale. Addiction is something we should actively avoid at all cost, every day. Letting unsafe people into our lives and our children’s lives doesn’t make sense, especially if we know better. And children are a BLESSING, never to be discarded or hurt.

Have you ever heard or read a story like this? Unfortunately, it is more common than uncommon. We need to pray to God for these people, even though their story might upset us. Also, if you suspect someone you know is struggling with an addiction help them get help.

A redemption story would be absolutely beautiful for everyone involved with a Goldy ending.

 

 

 

 

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

Hurt people Hurt…

You, me, others, him, her, animals and themselves.

If you take note of the people in your life, you might notice the healthy people vs. the unhealthy people. Revenge, hurt and pain will be on the mind of your unhealthy friends and loved ones. Unhealthy people tend to have a constant dialogue of negative speaking, gossiping and inappropriate speech. While healthy people are into problem solving, giving loving advice and care for friends and loved ones. Healthy people tend to be positive, happier and more open to life, help lead others to success and care about other people’s feelings.

You will almost never find a happy, normal healthy person commit a crime, murder, spew deliberate words of condemnation, hate or inflict pain. When you dig deeper in a persons life, life-style and past history you’ll definitely find the root cause of their behavior.

It is extremely important that you learn and teach the difference to yourself, friends and family. Unhealthy living leads to an unhealthy life-style as well. The pain lives on in the inside as well as outside. With the unfortunate verbal abuse and actions of the unhealthy person. Your body suffers from the pain along with the people around you that have to listen to your verbal abuse or witness your terrible actions.

The same is true for healthy people, your body and the people around you benefit from your healthiness. Your body is more at peace and your loving kindness also helps the hearts of others. When you give yourself to others as a positive loving gift you spread love.

God knows exactly what is going on in your life right now and from the beginning. He knows what you have endured, the pain, the abuse, the terrible incidents, all of it. And He has a plan for our lives far bigger and better than our broken past. God still continues to love us more than we could possibly imagine. So please know, make peace with your past. Get off of the UNHEALTHY train going nowhere of your present, don’t let your past define you and look to God today. He loved you enough to open your eyes to see another day.

Peace be with you.

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

A late lunch with…

Complete and total strangers.

My boyfriend and I were sitting in a lobby of a restaurant while waiting for a table. Another couple was waiting as well, I struck up a conversation with them. I felt like we had known them forever. When the hostess called their name, we were disappointed that the conversation had to come to an end.

However, something so special happened. “Carl” came back to us and invited us to sit with him and his wife for lunch. I have lived a long amazing life and yet to have this happen until now. We accepted and our conversation started where we left off in the lobby.

We were laughing with “Carl” and “Betty” and some serious, tearful moments about life. It was so fun to sit down with two total strangers and get along so well with them. It reminded me of Joseph and his brothers. Joseph’s bothers never spoke a kind word to him, hated him so much that they sold him. God had different plans for Joseph, thankfully that not even Joseph’s brothers could change.

I know families that struggle with getting along and loving on each other. The grudges are so strong and powerful that they ignore forgiveness. Evil forces would love nothing more to keep families broken and unhappy. Not God, He is the opposite of everything dark, mean, evil or hate-filled.

Yes, it’s true “Carl” and “Betty” and Chris and I don’t have any history together. No past to worry about, no old hurt feelings and no grudges. We have a clean slate of openness and newness. And that is exactly how God expects us to wake up every day to be towards each other regardless of how long or short we’ve known each other.

Another surprise, “Carl” got up to use the bathroom and paid for the entire meal and tip. We insisted to let us pay but he said it was too late. I am so grateful to God for experiences that make you so thankful. Great food, beautiful time together and amazing company.

Thanks be to God, Kristina!

Posted on by Kristina Knowles

The greatest gift of all…

Is Love.

I love, love. I believe Gods love is the most amazing feeling to experience in this lifetime. And what is even more special is to experience Gods love through another human being.

I moved to Texas with my Son and my dog. I was leaving behind my family and friends. It was an easy decision to move but it was hard leaving everyone behind. My Mother and I have a close relationship. And now not being a short car drive away was going to be even harder.

If anyone knows and hears the desire to have my Mom visit, it’s my boyfriend Chris. I have met so many wonderful people and new friends in Texas. My experience has been nothing but positive. And I wish my Mom could be here to visit to see how amazing Texas is.

Well, well well little did I know that for a month Chris had something really special planned for me for my birthday. I was sitting on a bench with Chris, having the most romantic night. Chris was holding my hand, holding me, we were people watching, the night was beautiful. Then he gets a text from his friend and co-worker Doug. Doug’s wife Amie’s truck broke down while she was on her way to pick up Doug from the airport. “And”…I responded.

We got up from the bench and walked to car to go pick up Doug. I was so mad…inside. See, if you know anything about Chris, he is naturally sweet and kind. I know in my heart that he would do anything for anybody because they called him for help. So even though I was mad, upset and disappointed inside with his choice, I knew he was just helping his friend.

I gave Chris short answers and stayed mostly silent on the drive to the airport. I prayed to God the entire way there hoping God would change my heart and feelings. In some ways, I was being childish and unkind by my heart, my behavior. I even asked him at one point, why couldn’t he get an Uber?

As we pull up and wait for Doug to come out, Chris decides to go inside to get him. So now I am waiting in a car, on my birthday, at an airport by myself. Then Chris finally returns with Doug’s bag. He asked me what I thought about his bag, I responded, “I don’t care.” So then Chris asked me to get out of the car. I am still mad, I start to follow him. And then my blonde, beautiful Mother appears out from behind a column. I started to cry, scream and almost knocked her over.

Chris was kind enough to ask for my forgiveness, can you imagine? Chris is asking for my forgiveness??!!! I am the one that needed to ask him for forgiveness. I was acting like a spoiled child on their birthday. I felt absolute happiness and guilt as the same time.

Chris understood why I was acting the way I was acting but I didn’t. I know I am not perfect, but this is no way to behave period. I am blown away by Chris’ kindness, care and most importantly his action of love for me. Chris gave me the gift of love on my birthday that I will never forget for the rest of my life.  And for that I love Chris him even more.

We can all believe that love is a feeling but it is truly an action. Do you make actions of love or words of love? Words of affirmation are important but love in action is most important. You should know that I felt terrible for being selfish on my birthday towards Chris. I asked God and Chris to forgive me that night. I am a work in progress.

Thanks be to God for forgiveness and Love.