Do you know the difference…

Between Mentally unhealthy and Emotionally healthy?

I had an awesome conversation with a 20-something year old recently. The light bulbs were going off by the end of our final words together. It all started with a question about a relationship. What does a healthy relationship look like?

Safe people with healthy boundaries is a good start. A safe, healthy person isn’t going to put you into a situation that would harm you physically, mentally, emotionally or morally.

Examples but not absolutes…

The physical harm would come from driving drunk and getting drunk, hitting you, abusing you, doing drugs and driving high. Anything that prevents you from being sober minded is putting yourself and the person you love in harms way.  “Be sober minded.”

The mental harm would come from daily abuse in the form of words, texts, emails or gossip. When a person abuses you verbally is changes who you are. Unfortunately, this is why some people contemplate suicide, who can’t be present in their own life because of depression, angry spirits, high-anxiety and closed minded people who refuse to be open to healthy communication. “Gentle words bring life and health.”

The emotional harm would come from ghosting, lying, manipulating, tricking and emotionally unavailable. When a person is self-centered, conceited or arrogant you’ll instantly notice their ideas and ways of doing things are the “only” way. They typically are not open to healthy advice or suggestions because they are centered focus on themselves. This type of behavior doesn’t allow for healthy growth in the proper direction, like a lastly, loving relationship. “The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.”

The moral harm would lack trust, honesty, respect and purity within the relationship. The world has desensitized us to believe being good is wrong and stupid, maybe even crazy. We watch movies, television shows, play video games that detracts us, encourages us to live ungodly, inappropriate and degrade us. When your significant other tramples on you because your beliefs, it’s a strong sign he or she is NOT the one.

Heed my loving warning to all those in a relationship. Make sure you are a safe, healthy person first before entertaining or attempting a relationship. And when sizing up the person you are most attracted to, ask them the important questions. Being safe and single is far better than in a relationship with a mentally unstable person, I promise.

God loves us so much, He wants His best for your life. Lord, I ask that you bring forth the healthy people that need to matched with other healthy people. I ask that you heal the broken, the unsaved and the hurt, all of them Lord. Open our eyes to you Jesus, so we can see and know who you send instead of how we want. Thank you so much God for everything you continue to do for all of us, we deserve nothing. The blessings are unbelievable. In Jesus’s name we pray…Amen!

 

Dear Sarah Nicole Henderson…

I wish I could have been there for you, way before you decided to kill your daughters.

When I saw your story come across the news early Friday morning on November 3, 2017 I was in shock. I don’t have a television anymore, by choice, so when I am out and about I see the news. Today I happened to see your news.

When I saw the pictures of your beautiful 2 little girls, Kaylee and Kenlie. I imagined myself at their age, playing with dolls, riding my bike, coloring and roller skating. I even thought about how they might be looking forward to finishing their Halloween candy or getting reading to make a list to Santa for all their wishes for Christmas.

I also would like you to know that I wish you would have asked for help. I know it can be uncomfortable, the unknown is always uncomfortable. But I know there are a lot of great people that you could have trusted.

I listened to your husbands 911 call. I heard his pain, I feel terrible for Jacob. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to see his step-daughter’s bodies lying lifeless in the living room. Sometimes we can’t even begin to realize the pain we inflict on others and the repercussions.

Sarah, I wish we would have known each other. I wish you would have called me to help you. Sarah, I pray for you and your healing. Your story is important because it is a reminder that there are people like you that need help. And it’s okay to need help, it’s important that people actually go through with finding healthy professional therapist and counselors who can lead us in the healing direction.

God is merciful, He alone is the Healer and Redeemer. Sarah, God will help you but only when you let Him. I know things look incredibly daunting right now, rightfully so but I will be praying for you.

Remember to always report unusual behavior of a loved one, family, friend or neighbor. When we can provide the necessary help sooner than later, the healing can and will begin.

God bless.

Dear You…

I am so sorry that you were hurt at the hands or verbal abuse of someone you love, trusted, tricked by and care about. I am so sorry that they hurt you because they are hurting. I am so sorry that instead of asking for help they decided to hurt you. I am so sorry that instead of being a good human being they decided to be mean, unkind and deplorable. You didn’t deserve it, it’s not your fault and you must get the help you need.

Now…

I know this might be hard for you but please forgive them. Please show them the grace and mercy they need. Forgiving the abuser blesses you. I know that might be confusing but it’s true. Healing begins, health beginning to be restored over time. Holding on to the darkness of the abuse doesn’t allow God’s love or light in. And that doesn’t help you at all. For anyone that has been involved, witness or been the receiver of Domestic abuse, physical or verbal…I am so sorry. You didn’t deserve it, it was never your fault.

And if you were the parent, friend, family member or neighbor that witnessed the abuse and didn’t get help or stop the abuse, you are an Accomplice and you need help too. I don’t think there is anything worse than watching someone you love stand by and let the abuse take place.

I believe if enough of us care about helping those who have been hurt, things will change for the better. Instead it looks as though we continue to protect people that don’t deserve protection but deserve to be confronted. The first step in recovery is acknowledging the problem, the offense and the pain the abuser inflicted. Then true healing and restoration can begin.

As National Domestic Violence Month comes to an end tonight, unfortunately the truth is the abuse will continue unless we take a personal stand. See it, report it. Hear it, report it. Told it, report, it.

Remember if we keep sweeping these people and their offenses under the proverbial rug, no one heals…NO ONE!!!

Praying for Peace!

The one that got away…

Thanks be to God!

I know society talks about this person in television shows, movies and talk shows. The infamous “person that got away”, I am here to explain to you why this person doesn’t truly exist. We can waste a lot of time pining away for this person with questions or statements. Why didn’t I do better? Where did I go wrong? Why couldn’t they change? What if I said this? Waste. Of. Time.

I read the bible for thousands of reason, this would be one of them.  We live in a world that requires us to believe in man more often than we should believe in God. Healthy and well meaning relationships are important and necessary to strive in this world, we need them. The most important relationship we create is the one we establish with God.

After we develop our relationship with God, the next relationship we create is the love for ourselves. I see so much self hate, it’s terrible. People would rather ruin their lives with medication, drugs, fantasy, alcohol and jealousy. Instead of loving themselves, accepting themselves as God created them.

When we are in right relationship with God and ourselves we tend to attract the good people of our lives. And even if we don’t, a few bad seeds might slip in from time to time. Just know in your heart that God gave you an internal hard drive that allows you to know the difference. It’s up to you to listen or ignore the truth.

So let go and let God be the ruler of your life. Let go of ” the person who got away” and don’t look back at the “what if’s” of life. Just realize at this very moment you have the opportunity to change everything that is wrong about your life, especially the relationships. Learn from these past relationships, learn what you loved and what you hated. Don’t look back, its just a waste of time…

God bless “the one who got away”!